Monday, January 31, 2005

It's Monday again already?

Wasn't it just Monday yesterday? Why does Monday come around faster and more often then Saturday? I to have been unmotivated to blog creatively lately so this will be another rambling of my mind and thoughts, or lack of thoughts for that matter. I do have a good blog going on in my head right now but it needs some work, so maybe in a few days. I took my all day camera class on Saturday and my head was spinning by the time I left. That was way to much information to fit into my head in a short amount of time. I did learn what the buttons on my
camera mean, so that was a plus. Now I just have to learn how to actually use them. My thoughts on that are: If it works so well in the automatic position then why bother? The first half of the workshop was about digital camera and photography, that went pretty well. However the second half was about picture editing using Adobe Photoshop CS. That is about the time my head started to spin. My computer lingo does not go far past blog and IM and I felt like I had
just come out of a cave from the dark ages. It was amazing what the program was capable of doing. It just was not capable of doing it under my capabilities. The program costs $650 US for all my Canadian readers, and my husband is trying to pirate it as we speak, but don't tell anyone. They do have a class Called into to Photoshop so if I get my grubby little hands on that software I will probably take that class, and further confuse myself. Yesterday we spent the day basking in the sun at our favorite beach with my sunscreen applied evenly, and to my eye lids as well. It was also accompanied by my favorite ice cold Corona, topped with a fresh lime. Does life get any better then that? Then we came home BBQ'd some chicken Caribbean Jerk style and ate until our belly's were content. Finished the weekend off with a movie after the kids went down, and what do you know it's Monday again!

We filled out taxes this weekend, and I am telling you it is great having three cute tax deductions I mean children living with us. That alined with the fact that we make no money make for a wonderful return!!! We made a list of everything we wanted to buy, set aside money for our romantic vacation, paid off 5 credit cards and still have some money left over. Life is great when you have money! We even made a plan to get out of debt this year, and for the first time in my life I am actually excited about it. I usually have a theory that we can just rack up all the credit cards and then hope the rapture happens before the credit card companies catch up with us. This may not be a realistic theory, but hey it worked for me thus far. However we have come to the end of our run with credit. The end meaning every card we own is maxed. So it is time to shape up or ship out! I will let you know how long this new found dept free plan lasts. I am predicting it will go very well until I see the new spring line at The Gap!

Since I seem to be the only one that watches this many movies I will try to let you know what I see and what I rate it so you can skip the not so great ones. That being said, movies watched this week are:

The Weeping Camel. This was a new release that I read and thought might be a good one to watch with the kids. DO NOT RENT THIS MOVIE. It was a documentary about a family (WHO DOES NOT SPEAK ENGLISH) takes in a camel who's mother rejected it. We saw the first 20 minutes when Addison says"mom what are they saying?" not even subtitles. So we took it out and watched Hermie the Common Catapillar instead.

First Daughter: Katie Holmes, cute in a chick flick teeny bopper sort of way. Not one to sit and watch with the hubby but definitely watchable.

Head in The Clouds: Charlize Theron, Penelape Cruz or how ever you spell her name, pretty decent movie. Civil War time, basic spoiled rich party girl meets poor fight for you country boy tied in with a ex stripper/girl lover who create an odd love triangle. The realities of the world and war pop there little bubble, and life goes on.

Friday Night Lights: great movie, true storey, your typical Texas highschool football movie!

Oh one more thing before I go, does anyone out there know the rules of fasting? Like can you drink just water or are the other things you can have? I am thinking of doing a three day fast but wasn't sure what the guide lines are, and I do not do research, so if anyone out there has any advice let me know.

That's it for now folks! Thanks for tuning in!

Friday, January 28, 2005


Yeah it is Friday! I love Fridays. It is the end of the school week, and I can look forward to two days of sleeping in. I love sleeping in! Friday night Addison always has cheerleading for the basketball team, then I come home put the kids to bed and enjoy a night with my pj's and a good DVD. Well hopefully it is a good DVD. My husband has lost hope in my DVD choosing ability. Here lies the problem. Actually let me begin by clearing stating that I do have excellent taste in movies and believe myself to be a good critic. The thing is Ben and I are movie watching freaks and we have seen every new release there is to see. On Tuesdays the new releases come out and we get them but the rest of the week we have to scrounge the older movie section for some good viewing. Before we have found the answers to all our prayers and signed up with Netflix, Ben would send me into the movie store well he waited in the car with the kids. I am always the one to go in because I care more then he does what we watch. So basically he is laid back and I am a control freak but that is besides the point. So I scan the walls for something that we have not seen, and we are left with the movies that we have not seen, or heard of. I find a movie that sounds decent and go out to the car to surprise Ben with my selection. More often then not we watch this mystery movie and it sucks beyond belief. I turn to Ben and say "I don't believe it, I thought it would be a good one for sure! I mean it won the Australian Film Festival Award for best foreign film???", New Stand Magazine said it was riveting! , Robert Ebert gave it two thumbs up in a circle with a zig zag! How was I to know?? So we have set up some ground rules on renting a movie that we have never heard the title of:
#1 If you have never heard of this movie there is probably a reason for it.
#2 If it has one any foreign awards it is probably going to suck
#3 Not really fans of the Sundance Film Festival movies
#4 If it has a whole bunch of famous people but you have never heard of the movie it is probably bad.
#5 Ben says it has to have at least one explosion, at least one fight, and frontal nudity is a bonus!
#6 Stay away from subtitles
#7 Any sequel that did not go to the big screen first is sure to be a snoozer.

Hope these help you out, and you will not make the dreaded mistakes that we have, or I should say I have in the past.

I totally did not mean to go on a movie tangent but some times my fingers go faster then my mind and I just try and keep up. I am getting excited for tomorrow. I am going to take a digital photography workshop. This will be my first step in my quest to start my own photography business. We are purchasing the home studio equipment this month and I am taking this course for a confidence booster more then anything. I have another course scheduled which will concentrate strictly on taking portraits. From there I will be read to take the plunge and make people think that I am a professional. I am not sure how to start, but I am going to take pics of all my friends kids and family then hope to spread by word of mouth from there. Ben is going to handle all the business and marketing end, and I will snap the pics. I pray that it will take off and be successful. It is a passion of mine to photograph people and more so kids, so I know it will be something I enjoy, and that is most important. Wish me luck! I hope all my blogging buddies have a great weekend!

Thursday, January 27, 2005

But I don't want to grow up.......

I know you are not supposed to talk politics or religion, but I am going to break the rules today and share some views and concerns. I feel that God has blessed my life in so many ways. In fact I would go out on a limb and say that nothing bad ever really happens to me and that I have way more then I deserve. In return I give myself to God, when it is convenient for me, when I have time, when I think of it, and when I need something. You can say that God and I have a give and take relationship. He gives and I take. I give him most Sundays and the odd quite time, and he gives me love, security, a wonderful husband, great kids, a nice house, and I could go on and on. I tend to live life on the hook and am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am always waiting for something really bad to happen b/c that would be more deserving to my character. I spent allot of my Christian life (6years) hung up on the "why questions", but have recently gotten over that hurdle. For the first 5 years I would say well it's ok that I am not the Christian I want to be because I am still a baby Christian. Then this last year I have thought, stop kidding yourself you are just a hypocrite. I guess what I am saying is I know Jesus as savior, but haven't taken the time to know Him as friend. Here is where it gets difficult. They say that in order to grow in your faith you need to have trials. hmm...Trials...No thanks. I am pretty comfortable here in my perfect little world where I am showered in blessings and nothing bad happens. The closer a person gets to God the harder satan will try and steer you away. So I feel like if I stay where I am that I am no threat to satan and he leaves me alone. I picture God and I on a road trip, only I am in the drivers seat. God says "why don't you let me drive for awhile" (after all He has the map and knows where He is going). I say "no thanks, I am fine thanks". He says "OK" and lets me continue on my way. I drive in circles for awhile longer and He asks me again to let Him take over, and I decline. Then I go drive into some off road conditions and get stuck. I say "ok you can drive, get me out of this mess, but then I am taking over again." Because He gives me free will, he steps aside and lets me think that I have control. Before you know it I am up to my eye balls in muck again and calling for my savior. I know that in doing this I am content but am missing out on the exciting life that God wants me to have. Content is good though. Then there is the advice God gives us to store our treasures in Heaven and not here on earth. This one I really have trouble wrapping my head around. So a person dedicates there whole life to living for God and when he gets to Heaven he moves into his big perfect mansion. I believe God but do not want to get out of my comfort zone so I do the minimal to get by, and when I go to Heaven I move into my little shack that I have stored up. But here is the glitch...I'm in Heaven! How bad can the projects in Heaven be. I'm in Heaven where there is no pain, or hurt, or hard feelings, or jealousy, so why would I care if I have a shack and my Neighbor has mansion. Not to mention that I have a few friends who will probably have mansions and I am sure they could spare a room . Maybe I could smooze up to Mother Teresa and she would give me a whole wing of her mansion. I am sure there has to be some fine print that I am not seeing, and it will be magnified in Heaven and I will be begging for a redo. I know that the days I do spend in His word and His love are the most wonderful and happy days, so why do I let them be so far and few between. I know who I want to be in the Lord but for some reason do not grasp it for myself? I guess that is my new "why question" Only this "why question" is for me and not God.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

my cute little man! Posted by Hello

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Top Ten Reasons It Sucks To Live In Hawaii

#10 You have to mow and rake the lawn all year round.

#9 You have to spend allot of money on sun screen.

#8 You have to be a millionaire in order to buy a house.

#7 You have to run the air conditioner year round. Oh wait we live on base so its free!

#7 People are suddenly befriending you for a place to stay.

#6 You always have sand in your house, van, shoes, and bum.

#5 Your body has to be swimsuit presentable all year round. So you can't grow out your leg hair for the winter, and your bikini line is always itchy.

#4 RATS, and every other kind of Creepy Crawlies also think it is a good place to live.

#3 Too many beaches to choose from, making you always feel torn.

#2 It is always 84'F outside and I never get to wear my skinny jeans.

and the #1 reason that it sucks to live in Hawaii is...........................

The in-laws cannot drop in for a surprise visit!

So you see folks, the grass is not always greener on the other side. I have my share of hardships too!

Pain in the Uranus!

We have this gigantic tree next to our house which just happens to land on our side of the property line. I am not sure what this tree is called but we call it the rain tree because it is gigantic, it's branches extend to cover the entire yard, and it's leaves are constantly raining down. On base we have to get our yard inspected every Tuesday. Oh the joys of military life! So me being the absolute best wife in the entire world decided that I was going to help out my
husband and get all the leaves raked up so he could mowe when he got home. I don't think I realized the size of the project I was taking on. Four blisters, three hours, two crinks in my back, and loads of sweat later, I have a new name for that tree. The stupid, piece of crap, pain in uranus, wish you would die, you suck tree. I hate that tree. It is a pain in the ask me no more questions. New leaves are falling off and landing on my head as I rake the old ones up. Not any old leaf either. These leaves are huge! My hands are still withering in the pain from my blisters which are now popped and exposing the raw delicate skin underneath. I get all the leaves into 11 huge piles, which I then have to collect and drag down the block to a huge dumpster for compost. I decided to load them all into our huge garbage can and dump them that way. So I get the bin full, drag it down the road to the dumpster,drag it up five stairs, which feels more like 5 flights of stairs, hoist it upside down, dump the leaves, and continue this process for the next two hours, with all the cuss words from the movie I saw the night before fresh on my mind! I try and stay encouraged by reminding myself how excited and proud Ben is going to be when I get home. I am picturing him doing back flips and bowing down to me with gratitude. These thoughts in my head were making all the pain worth while, and gets me through. I am loading the last of the leaves when Ben pulls into the driveway, sees my efforts and says "hey thanks" Hey thanks? No back flip, no wow your the best wife ever, no bowing down to kiss my smelly feet? The nerve of some people. Funny how I always plan these situations in my head and they never quite play out the way I imagined. Now surly some of you bloggers out there must feel sorry for me?? Even the slightest bit sympathetic? Concerned that my withered hands will ever be normal again? Anything?

Monday, January 24, 2005


Blah....It's Monday again. The day that I have to wake up to that dreaded sound of an alarm clock in the morning, and then cringe at the thought of having to do it four more times until the weekend. I have been up for an hour and a half now and am still yawning and trying to will my body not to crawl back into bed and sleep another couple hours.
Last night I went to see the movie Closer on base. I will not recomend this movie to anyone. 20 minutes into the movie I leaned over to my friend and said "I did not realise you were taking me to a porno!" The movie had, Julia Roberts, Judd Law, Natalie Portman, and the F word, the S word , the B word, a couple C words, and allot of other stuff that made me blush. Me who watches four consecutive hours of Sex and the City.
Every second Monday night Ben has to pick up his check from the restuarant downtown, and we go eat there for supper. I don't know why but I just love going out to eat. Maybe because of the fact that I do not like to cook or do dishes afterwards.We eat out more then we eat in at our house, and it is a trend that we are going to have to start to break. Not by my choice, but the pocket book says so. Every Wednesday night we eat at a resturant on base because for every kids meal you buy you get the adult meal half off. This means I can get a rack of ribs with two sides for the price of a big mac. As you know I never pass up a good deal, and that is a good deal. Then the Monday nights at Ben's work we get 50% off as well with his employee discount, so that does not really count either. We always go out for lunch on Sunday after church, simply out of convienence. Then of course there are the weekly trips to Mcdonalds, and any other fast food establishment that suits our fancy. One of these days I am going to get domesticated and start making some home cooked meals. Maybe I will even get a nice apron like the mother on Leave It To Bever.
Well I really have nothing more to talk about since it is Monday and I am blah! Maybe I will get inspired later on in the day and post again. Don't get your hopes up or anything. One more thing....for all you guys who were routing for poor deprived Ben.....the depression is over, and he is a happy boy!

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Update on my condition!

I won't be typing a long blog today. Partly because it is Sunday, meaning its the weekend, and I am not supposed to blog on the weekends, but mostly because my eyes are almost swollen shut. I looked in the mirror, and someone I barely recognized stared back and laughed at me. Someone who resembles the bride of Frankenstien, or maybe one of the dead people from the Sixth Sense. To bad it is not Halloween, I would fit right in. The rest of me has turned to brown already except for my neck, my eyes , and the blotches on my face where the sunscreen missed. I guess I really am a redneck today! I never thought to put sunscreen on my eyelids because my eyes are never closed at the beach. They are always wide open darting around counting my three kids. I knew there was a reason I had kids. They keep my eye lids from getting burnt. Lessoned learned: Always put on an EVEN coat of sunscreen. Well I am going to go lay down with some cucumbers on my eyes. I hope you all feel really bad for me. For those who are wondering the answer is yes. I would like some get well presents.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Red Lobster!

Today was the perfect day! I slept in till 8:15am, looked out the window to a pefectly blue sky, had a shower, and jumped into a swim suit because I was headed to the long awaited beach. My morning got even better when my husband suggested I have a "self" day and go to the beach with my book instead of him and the kids. Some times I think he is absolutely brilliant! So I pack my beach towel, a couple diet cokes, and my Maui babe tanning oil which apparently is a local's secret to a great tan. A secret that they advertise on the bottle. What can I say, I am gullible! I kiss the kids and my wonderful husband goodbye, jump in the jeep (so I can pretend I am cool), zip all the windows down, and cruise down to the closest beach (5 minutes away). I pick the farthest spot on the beach, away from all the other families and kids, spread out my stuff, lathered up with some Maui Babe, and got in my best tanning position. In the distance I could here kids crying for their mommies because there brother hit them and I did not have to get up to break the fight. I just tuned it out, and smirk to myself because no one was needing me today! I just closed my eyes and fell asleep to the sound of the waves crashing the shoreline. It was an afternoon well spent, except for on little problem. I feel another note to self coming on. When you have not been in the sun for 18 days, and have turned a Canadian shade of white, it may not be a good idea to spread on brown oil and bake on the beach for four consecutive hours. I hope red is the new black this season because I am sporting a nice shade of lobster. Even my eyelids are burnt. I did put sunscreen on my face but forgot my eyelids and it turns out a few other areas because I have red blotches all over my face where the sunscreen missed. It looks pretty funny, but I don't care because I am just happy to have been exposed to sunlight today. My skin has that slight sting to it, and I love it! Remember no pain no gain! I was planning on rewarding my husband tonight for his selfless deed, but I think I am too burnt......darn:(

Friday, January 21, 2005

Cabin Fever

OK it has been 18 consecutive days since I have been to the beach. I am beginning to look as white as my Canadian relatives! I have either not had time To go to the beach, or I have had time, and it is not sunny enough. This week we have thrown one sick child and a sore throat of my own into the mix. So we have been on house arrest all week and it is starting to make me antsy. I have lost all desire to write a creative blog or to be funny. So today I am going to give you lucky bloggers a dose of Alyssa babble. Babble is when I type any thought that comes into my head at any given time. First of all I would like to give a shout out to one on my best friends Marla Denny who just gave birth to a very long awaited little boy last night. His name is Landen Watson Glenn Denny, and I am anxiously awaiting pictures. My baby fever has been sky rocketing lately and I am doing everything in my power to hold myself back from jumping on a plane so I can go hold and hug him. To add some more good news, this sore throat of mine has made it hard to swallow, which in turn has made it hard to eat, which in turn has made me lose 5 pounds this week!!! 5 more and I will get back to my pre-Christmas weight. The sore throat has led to a constant headache all week, and I am starving but you know what they say "no pain no gain" Who are "they" anyway. You always here "well they say" and no one ever questions who they are. Ok now I am babbling and rambling. To add even more great news, I got my new red toaster in the mail yesturday! Now I just have to get the red coffee maker and all my appliances, dishes, utensils, and kitchen walls will match! Next thing I would like to say is TiVo rocks! It has given me a whole new stress free outlook of TV. I am watching my favorite show and I get an important call, and I am torn between answering it or ingnoring it. Well not anymore. I simply pause live TV, talk on the phone, and rewind when I am done. Ingenious! Also you can tape two shows at once and you never have to worry about missing your favorite shows again. Also I would like to rave about Netflix. If you have not tried this company it is awesome! You pay $17 a month and you get three movies at a time. You have a list on there website of all the movies you want and when ever you send in the movies you get three more. The turn over time for these movies have been amazing. I put them in there prepackaged, postage paid envelopes, stick them in my mailbox, and two days later I have new movies. I don't even have to get out of my pj's to go to the movie store. It just gets easier and easier to be lazy.
So on that note I sat and watched 4 hours of Sex And The City last night. So my mind should be good and warped now. I got the whole season fom Netflix and watched the whole thing at once. I just couldn't get enough Carry Bradshaw. It was the last series they will ever do and I got sadder and sadder as I neared the end. However it had great closure. Carry is with Big, Samantha survived Cancer and is in love for the first time in her life, Miranda is happily married with her husband and little boy in Brooklyn, and Charlotte and her husband are waiting to get there precious baby girl from China. Just in case you were wondering. Ben is now driving again, and that is such a great relief. I am sure that through all my constant nagging he will not be speeding on base again any time soon. Just kidding, I would never nag. Also I would like to say congratulations to my other best friend in the world Lisa Campbell who got married over the Christmas holidays. She is my last single friend to take the plunge and strap on the old ball and chain. I mean join this wonderful union of marital bliss. No really marriage is great and I would take it over singlehood any day. You may not get those first kiss butterflies everyday but that unconditional love and security you have in each other far surpasses any weak at the knees feeling. Yet you still get that flutter in you stomach when you see each other after being apart for a week or 3 months. Plus nothing beat being so comfortable in a relationship that you can fart outloud and laugh. So good luck to you Lisa and Dave Harrisko! May you have a loving and flatulent marriage! Well I guess I should get Corben down for his nap, and go clean something. You think being stuck in my house for a week with nothing to do that it would be extremely clean. No such luck. I try but I just can't keep up. It is four against one after all. I get one room done, move on to the next one, and the kids start tearing them up behind me. This blog is much to long considering I have nothing to say. So for those of you who are actually still reading through to the end I bid you a good day! Hopefully I will get some sun rays soon and I will be rejuvenated and funny again.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Playing The Field

Since I am on this trip down memory lane, I thought I would keep on and tell you the story of how our second child was conceived. You see we were in the back of this compact car and it was getting pretty steamed up...Just kidding! I had you going for a minute there didn't I?! No really today I am going to tell you a different story. Ben and I had been married for awhile and the newlyweds thing was starting to wear off, so we decided it was time to start dating other people. Yes you guessed it! It was time for us to start "couple dating". You know when you keep your eye out for that perfect couple that you can hang out with on weekends and just be real with. The kind of friends that can walk into your house, open the fridge, and grab a drink because the part of the relationship when you pretend that you eat out of your fine china every night and not pots with an oven mitt underneath is over. She has to be a good dresser, He has to be cool with a slight geek edge to him so my husband will have someone to converse with, similar interests and hobbies, that sort of thing. Now let me warn you couple dating is even harder then regular dating. Not only do I have to like her, but my husband has to like her husband in order for the relationship to really work. Now seeing as we move around so often we always seem to be playing this field. Then you add your children to the equasion and you have a whole new element of stress in this dating world. Now my children have to get along with their children, and it is also good to try and keep the age groups similar. So seeing as our move to Hawaii has been fairly recent I will share some of our dating ups and downs in the last year. The first rule is that you always have to be on the look out! You do not want that perfect couple to sneek by right under your nose. So we are eating one night at one of our favorite restaurants. It is hip, young with an edge, and it has a sandbox for the kids. What more can you ask for. So we had just started on some appetizer when we spot a potential couple a few tables down. Ben and I start to divulge a game plan. OK I will walk by the table and drop my napkin, bend down to pick it up then casually start conversation. No that won't work. Ok how about we buy them a couple a drinks and have the waiter tell them they are from us. That works every time right? We continue to joke about it through our meal, when up comes the perfect opportunity. The girls have to go potty and they are on the way to the bathroom. Great! So we do the walk by and make the "hey your kids are cute eye contact". That is the first step. Then on the way out after you have fixed your hair in the mirror you casually start a conversation when you pass again. "So are you from around here?" "You come here often?" Turns out they are moving in a couple months so we shluff them off as we are looking for something a little more long term. The beach is a great and easy way to meet families. We scope the beach for some cool people like us with cute well behaved kids that are our kids age then we camp out as close to them as possible without freaking them out. Then we tell our kids to go play with their kids, b/c it is perfectly acceptable for kids to just start playing with each other. Adults cannot just walk up to someone and say "hey you wanna be my friend?" Laugh if you will but you are not the ones constantly having to find new friends. Desperate times call for desperate measures! I remember coming home from the beach one day all excited because I got some digits. I share my excitement with my husband who warns me not to make the first call. Even though you are desperate you do not want to look desperate. You have to wait at least three days. I tried but got to impatient and called her as soon as I got home. She must have been as desperate as I was because now we are great friends. We were almost to the point where I was going to make up some fliers and hand them out door to door, or better yet take out an ad in the personals. I measure my self worth by the number of obligations on my social calendar, so when the calendar reads zero, it can be real depressing. I remember one time at our last base it was the 4th of July and we were new and had no wonderful family picnic to go to so I started calling people I knew, or sort of knew and casually asked what they were doing, hoping for an invite somewhere....Anywhere? I had no bitters, and instead got to hear how everyone was going to their friends house for a great picnic. This dating world can be harsh. The rejection! I have come to the conclusion that it takes about a year from the time you move to a new place for your social calendar to start filling up. We just had our one year anniversary in Hawaii and I am happy to tell you that we have hooked up with some great couples, and our calendar has been filled. Not to mention all the people who used to just be acquaintances but have suddenly become good friends since we live in Hawaii! I even have a real good potential waiting on the sidelines! I don't want to get my hopes up but I think they just might be "the ones!" So it is nice to be settled in our new home with our new friends, and we have even stopped playing the field for awhile. It gets to confusing when you try and string along too many couples at once. Then you get double booked and someone goes away with a box of Kleenex and some Ben and Jerry's.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

White Trash Wedding

I feel like I know you fellow bloggers so well now that I thought I would share a little story about myself. Well actually a story about myself and my "at the time" future husband. I am going to tell you the story about the night the love of my life proposed to me. Before I start lets do a little fast forwarding and rewinding. We will fast forward to 4 years past that proposal date and rewind 2 years from this date, which brings us to a time that I was out with all the women from our church small group. In this group we met ever second Sunday and usually went through a book chapter by chapter and had lengthy discussions. Some people talked more then others but that is besides the point. Some people also told extra information when certain spouses were absent, and those were the best chats of all. Now that I am totally side tracked lets get focused. So we have been meeting with this group of people for a few years and we decided that we were going to start doing girls night and guys night. The girls would all meet for dinner and the guys would usually do lunch. We did this a few times and it was a blast until the guys point out that on their time together they would always get into deep serious discussions and share their feelings, where the girls night conversations never left the area of breast feeding, potty training, who had the hardest and longest labor, and other real important stuff like that. So our group leader started to send his wife to our dinners with a question to discuss. Well this one dinner I remember well. It was Chinese Buffet, we had answered our "homework" question, and one of the ladies comes up with a question of her own. She thought it would be fun to go around the table and tell everyone how our husbands purposed. Yippee! What a great idea! I suggested we start on the side furthest away from me. So here we go from girl to girl all sharing there fondest memories of that special time. Each girl with the most romantic story I had ever heard. everyone is feeling all warm and fussy inside, except me. I am too busy fearing that as each girl shares her story we are getting closer and closer to ME. I am starting to sweat, my story is just not going to measure up. I begin to scan the restaurant for escape doors. Ok maybe I can throw myself on the floor and start convulsing and fake a seizure to divert attention when it is my turn. Maybe the real pregnant girl next to me will go into labor and I will not have to say anything. Come on pregnant girl keep tossing back those spicy little ribs! Maybe the one girl who always talks "alot" will take forever to tell her story and we will run out of time. None of those things happened and before I could come up with a more brilliant plan it was my turn. Here goes nothing! I decided to lay all the cards on the table right up front. No beating around the bush here. "Let me tell you about my white trash proposal" I say. Ben and I had been dating for a year and a half and had just gotten back together after a two week break up when I came to him with those three magical words "Honey I'm pregnant!" He replied with a "Well then little missy I guess I better make an honest woman outta ya!" So seeing as we were too poor to buy a ring we got the diamond out of my mothers old set and had it reset for me. (This hardly topped the story of the girl who went before me who's husband got their names written into the band with a big huge diamond to top it off, but I have lost all pride at this point anyway) After all I was admitting to this fine group of church women how I used to participate is sexual activity outside of wedlock. So the day came when the ring was set and ready for pickup. My boyfriend went in and got it and returned to the car where I was impatiently waiting. He starts to back up when I say "Arn't you going to give it to me?" He tells me that I have to wait for a proposal. Wait for a proposal, he already knocked me up, what does he want me to do next, jump through hoops? So I talk him into giving me the ring. He parks the car comes around to my door, opens it, gets on one knee, and says those five magical words, "honey will you marry me?" I say "Well let me think about it" just kidding! I say "yes!" right there by those two stinky dumpsters. The sent
of garbage has new meaning to me ever since that day. So there I was all red in
the face sharing my white trash proposal storey, badda boom badda bing 8 months
later and there there were three. We all had fun laughing it off (at my expense), and finished the evening with some dessert. Tune in Next time to hear the details from the white trash wedding. It involves a four month pregnant bride, beer cans smashed against our foreheads, and a bunch of people with missing teeth sitting in the front row. Wedding gifts such as the Budweiser wind chimes, and the precious moment where we drive off into the sunset in our rusty pickup truck with the rifle in the back window! Well the wedding was actually quite nice, seeing how it was all planned in a few months. The best news is, through all these happenings I found a Lord and Savior who encouraged me and loved me no matter what, and I gave my life to Him. The rest is happily ever after!

Saturday, January 15, 2005

When It Rains It Pours....

So I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to blog on weekends, or on PMS week. I have decided to take weekends off because we are just plain and simply to busy on the weekends. Too busy going to the beach that is...jk. Boy do I just love rubbing it in that I get to live in Paradise 365 days a year. The reason I have decided to stop blogging on PMS week is because I am just plain and simply too frustrated to think. Every nerve and my body is strangelling the neck of the nerve next to them. Add some mudd and a couple string bikinis and it could be quite entertaining. Where did that come from? See what I mean. So I supose now I am breaking all the rules because it is a Saturday, and it is PMS week, and I am blogging. But this does not count really because I am just laying down the rules. Now why it is I feel I have to anounce to the world when ever I am menstrating. Possibly to make an excuse for my behavior, or perhaps its one of those "if I am going down I am taking you all with me type things. " Anyway what ever it is,this is the time of the month where I really hate being a girl. I guess it does have a plus side. It is the one week where I have a perfect excuse not to.....well know.

So now that you know how my day started yesturday, let me tell you about the rest of it. First of all Addison had to be to school extra early because she had a field trip. Her first field trip! The field trip she was so exciting to go on that she came and woke me up two times in the middle of the night because she thought it had to be time and I had forgotten to take her. Did I tell you "I
hate morning!" I find it absoltuly painful to get out of bed in the morning. Normally Addison is right with me on this one and I have to tug at her for 30 minutes every morning just to open her eyes. Not this morning though. Nope! I just walked in her room and said "Ready for your field trip?", and she poped out of bed faster then a jack in the box.

Then there was the whole deal of Ben needing to work downtown that night and still not being able to drive on base. So seeing as he had all week to make some sort of arrangements, he decided to wait until the last minute and then calls and asks me to find somewhere to drop the jeep off, and someone to pick me up. Again he did the crime but I am doing the time. So I arrange to leave the jeep just off base and had a friends who was going to meet me at the drop off point and give me a ride back home. (feel free to put your nominations in for wife of the year) No wait it gets better. I go out to the jeep and open the door and there is about three inches of water in the floor boards. Not to mention 4 boxes of clothes floating in the water. Clothes that I had sent with Ben to drop off at Goodwill A WEEK AGO. So I carry all the bags and boxes to the trash, climb through the mountain of camping gear, golf bags, and tools in our storage closet
to retrieve the shot-vac, untangle and extension cord so I can plug it in, and vacume the entie car, all this with a toddler hooked to my waiste. A headache and sore back later I get the car "in possition" and am back home to sit on the couch and watch tv and eat bon bons. Oh wait that is what I wanted to do, what I really had to do was five loads of laundry, two loads of dishes, sweep, mop and vacume the floors, make the beds, run to the grocery store, and entertain two

It is nearing supper time by now, so I get that started. Ben comes home has a quick costume change and is out the door to his other job. I proceeed with the kids through dinner, a costume change of their own, and off to cheerleading. Here I get to sit in a hot sweaty gym for an hour and try to keep my two toddlers from running out onto the basketball court. That task is about as easy as trying to herd a bunch of angry bulls while wearing a red Prada pants suit. Just when I think I could not possibly have any more fun in one day the bell rings, the game ends and I start my own game of prying three wiggly kids into car seats.

In one swift motion I start the car, turn on the kids T.V., break up a fight, and throw into reverse. I start backing up, but the car is not really moving. It felt like I was running over something, perhaps a rodent or small child. I slam the van back into park, get out and take a survailance of the surounding area. There did not appear to be any obstruction, so I figured it must have been my imagination and got back into the car. I proceeded out the parking lot, but there was definatly somethign dragging, or not right with the car. I get out again, and this time walk around the entire car. I gaze down to the drivers side front tire and find the problem. It was as flat as my chest! I waved down one of the other mothers in the parking lot and begged her for a ride home.

Finally my bad day was nearing an end. I already had one child down for the count and the girls wear all suited up in their jammies and ready to snuggle in for a movie and some popcorn. I decided to give my brother a quick call while the popcorn was cooking and chat for a bit. The girls started muching the popcorn and running around the house like wildabeasts, when I hear Camryn choking on a popcorn kurnnel. I just reach her to access the situation when she starts profusly puking on the living room carpet. LOVELY! Nothing like the smell of recycled fajitas to top off a great day. I give the poor girl yet another costume change, and I get into costume with my rubber gloves for my down and dirty clean up on aisle six act.

When I finally crawlled into my comfy cozy bed, I turned over and fell alseep to the wonderful sound of rats scampering around in my attic. Rats you say? Yes RATS! Big ugly, loud, stinky rats. I envisioned them all sitting around our rat trap tossing jokes back and forth about how cheese does not really work. Last week I heard one dare the other to try and grab the cheese without getting caught. He had a stick of gum on the wager.

I would like to say that today is going much better but so far it really is not. We started the day by getting a ride back to our van, changing the tire to a donut, and coming back home. Then Ben finally went up in the attack to check the traps we set ( a week ago) and there was good news and bad news. The good news is we caught one! The bad news is, it was probably about a week ago (got to love procrastinators). I won't go into detail but lets just say we could have hosted one of those Fear Factor

After we got that mess cleaned up, we proceeded to costco to get our tire fixed. We had to wait three hours so we decided to take in a movie. Note to self:do not take a toddler who will not sit still and a PMSing mother to a matinee. In fact don't take me anywhere. Now I am home with my headache and bad mood complaining to you poor poeple. For this reason,this will be my last blog during PMS week. Good riddens!

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Table For Two

Last night we had my husband post Christmas, Christmas party at the restaurant he works at down town. The invitation said come dressed in beach wear or a wacky tourist outfit. So Ben gets all suited up in his best Aloha shirt buttoned down to reveal a tacky v-neck underneath, a pair of denim shorts, a big bucket hat, and tops it off with a tourist must have, tube socks pulled up to the knees with a pair of sandals. He was a sight for sore eyes. I decided to go the beach route and put on a one piece bathing suit with some white beach pants rolled up over top, topped with matching flip flops. We are all decked out for our beach party. We begin the party by getting there unfashionably early. Anyway people gradually start trickling in, but no one seems to be sporting the beach attire, or wacky tourist outfits. So we are beginning to look like the losers who are pushing thirty and still think they can hang. We spend most of the evening at out table for two, joking about how old and dated we are. The youngsters there were dancing to songs I did not know, with moves that this body of mine was not capable of. So they begin the all you can eat buffet (right up my ally) and all the "cool kids" sit at this one big table. Ben and I, being not so cool, stick to our table for two. So dinner was great, well the food was anyway, and awhile later we manage to grab a couple seats at the "cool table". Apparently once we sat down, the old people who actually dressed up, it became the uncool table and the "cool kids" started parting like a bad comb over. Ben and I managed to single handedly clear the table of any coolness it once had. So we sat there reminiscing of the days when we were cool, or at least thought we were, and tried to stay awake because it was well past our bedtime. Note to self: You are no longer cool, you can not hang, and do not listen to your husband when he tells you to dress up for a theme party. I think we were the first ones to leave the party and am pretty sure no one missed us when we left. Well except that they no longer had anyone to make fun of. On our way back to the car Ben commented that it was not a total loss. At least I had something to blog about.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

You Want Me To What???

I went to spin class last night and experienced my second near death experience. The instructor say 45 minutes into our workout, and I quote "OK now we are going to pick it up a notch. I want you at 100%. When you get done with this I want you to feel like you need to puke." Pick it up a notch? 100%? Puke? Already I cannot breath, my legs are numb, I have a bicycle seat half way up my rear, my face is the same red color as my shirt, and It feels like my head is going to explode, and you want me to pick it up a notch? I have done many kinds of aerobic classes but none have ever challenged me as much as this spin class did. Never have I been warned that I might need a puke pail by me side! It was absolutely 1 hour and 15 minutes of pure torture. Well actually the cool down was not to bad. I could handle that. So if any of you are into self torture I suggest you try spinning yourself to death. I think I am still walking funny today. I guess it all part of my Hey What's Going On These Pants Never Used To Be This Tight, I Just Saw My Self In A Full Length Mirror, And Man I Look Like A Fat Cow Diet.

So yesterday I am shopping the internet......One of my favorite past times, and I end up at the maternity section at Old Navy. They are having a sale and I end up buying a few things. No I am not pregnant, but just in case. In case my Hey What's Going On These Pants Never Fit This Tight, I Just Saw Myself In A Full Length Mirror, And Man I Look Like A Fat Cow Diet does not work I can just get knocked up and go for the Extra Streach Elastic Waist Band Eat What Ever You Want At Any Time Of The Day Or Night Diet. A much easier one to live up to I am sure. No, in all seriousness Ben and I are going to start trying for number four (do not have a heart attack mom)! I was going through all Corben's baby clothes and it was so sad to see how much he has grown so fast. I am sure that is a feeling that will never pass no matter how many kids I have, but I think I will feel complete a four. At least I hope I feel complete at four. Any more then that and we will have to buy a fifteen passenger van just to haul the kids around. So please be praying that this is not going to be a long process, you know my feelings on frequent sex. I am still trying to convince Ben that once a month is plenty enough to do the trick! For some reason he does not agree and is still trying to install the 72 hour rule.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Blonde Moments

Well it has been pointed out to me, that I appear to be a dumb blonde. Apparently it is "my thing". So I decided to compose a blog of some of my blonde moments. I am sure there are many, but here are a few. I will start with the most recent. I was in the parking lot of the grocery store and it was crowded. People were circling the lot looking for a spot like a pack of vultures hovering a dead carcass. It was a dog eat dog world out there. So I am cruising around, my eyes darting left and right, searching for a person to follow out to their car, when I half way pass a car that is about to back out. Since I have only half way passed this car I decided that I had not yet given up rights to this spot and throw my gears into reverse. Looking behind me a see there is a green car, but there is a fair distance between us so I begin my back up. As I am driving in reverse this car starts madly honking. I am telling you he was laying on the horn like a child playing with your left over new years props. So I am yelling at this guy (with my windows rolled up of course) to chill out, and that I saw this spot first, so he better keep looking. All this time continuing my drive in reverse. As I am about to give this guy the finger in my rear view mirror, I come to a sudden halt. Well more like a slight smash. Apparently there was a car in between me and the green car. OOPS! So I get out of my car, and this irate Chinese guy starts yelling at me "what do you think you are doing! Watch where you are going!" He belonged to the car who was originally in the spot that I was trying to overtake and really had nothing to do with the situation so I ignored him and walked to the back of my van. During that long walk I am praying....Please be and old ratched out, rusted Chevette that was purchased for under $200. I spot the car I just ran into and it is a brand new red shiny convertible. Yikes! The driver sees my blonde hair and starts rolling his eyes. I bat my eyes as sweet as I can and say " I am so so
sorry! I thought it was the green car that was honking and I thought I had plenty of room!" He gets out and checks his car for damage and luckily there was none. So we all returned to our vehicles, and I being the nice person that I am even gave him the parking spot. I felt it was the least I could do!

Then of course there was the time that I told Ben I would handle all the bills. I wrote them all out sealed them and stuck them in the mail. I felt real good about helping my husband with our finances and easing up his load around the house. Apparently I forgot one iency tiency little step.....The stamps. We got all the letters back a few days later followed by a bunch of late payment fees. Apparently the "I'm sorry my wife is a blonde" excuse does not fly with the
credit card companies.

A few month back when I was working at the Gap they hired a new employee for the stock shift. I worked with this guy for 3 weeks before my boss said " hey can you show her some of the ropes?" Her? She? For three weeks I thought she was a guy when apparently she was a girl who looked like a guy and wore guys clothing. So the truth being reviled I took him I mean her under my wing and showed her how we do things. The problem was, I already had it in my head that this girl was a guy and it sort of stuck that way. So once night we are unpacking boxes and folding clothes when someone asks a question and I say "No Dar said HE would do it" (he being she remember). Now if I were a brunette I probably could have played it off and you know he kind of sounds like she. But me being a blonde cup my hand over my mouth in surprise and say "I meant she I meant she!" Open mouth insert foot. I would like to say that was a one time occurrence but it happened three more times after that. Well three more times right in front of her face anyway.

One time when I was in college I got the biggest hugest zit on my cheek. I am talking the king of all zits. Because of this zit I ended up getting fired from my job. I would not wait tables with this big zit on my face and I called in sick until it went away. Unfortunately my job went away before my zit did. I had skipped several classes and was starting to get to the point where I could not
miss any more so I put a huge bandaide on the side of my face and told people I tripped and fell into the side of a counter and cut my cheek real bad.

When I got my first apartment I also bought my first vacuum cleaner. I remember that vacuum cleaner! It was the first major appliance I had ever purchased on my own. It was purple! The only problem with this vacuum cleaner was it did not pick up real well. Every time I vacuumed I would have to pick up most of the big stuff by hand and it just did not have good suction. Time goes on and my friend comes out to visit from Canada and stays with me. I was vacuuming one day and was complaining about my purchase when she asks to take a shot at it. I lift both hands in the air and let her know that it is all hers. She flips a dial at the bottom of the vacuum from high to low. Apparently that button was to set the height of the rotating brush that sucks up all the stuff. It was set so high that it was barely hitting the floor. "Oh" I say, flipping my blonde hair "I thought high meant high power" It worked great ever since!

Then there were the days when I used to dye my hair blonde. Well more blond. Bleach bottle blonde to be exact. I decided one Sunday while hanging out with my roommate that I was going to get a new image and dye my hair brown. So off we go to the drug store to pick out my new hair color. I ignore the girl next door on our way out who warned to be careful when going from blonde to brown because it can turn green. I thought yeah what ever, that would never happen to me. So we get home with my brilliant new color in a box, and my roommate gets to work on
my lovely long hair. So we go through all the steps and it is finally time for the great reveal. I remove the towel from my head, and the look in my roommates eyes says it all! I run to the mirror in shock and tears stream down my face as I look at the Medusa look alike in the mirror. That is not quite the look I was going for. Not only was it green. But it was an ugly dark blackish green. Since we decided to play hairdresser on a Sunday while all the real hair dresser shops were closed it left us with very little options. My roommate called one of her friends back home who was a hair dresser and told her our dilemma. She told us to go get a red dye because red cancels out green. So off we go back to the drug store with my hair all hidden in a hat. We purchase the red dye and go through all the steps for a second time. The whole time praying for a miracle. Inch by inch a pull the towel back and it goes something like this "looking good....Not
bad.......I think it is working........Wait a minute.....yikes.....NOOOOOOO! It worked all right, on the top anyway. So now my hair was half an ugly shade of red and half a blackish green. I wiped away my tears and stuck my hair back up in a hat for the remainder of my Sunday. The next morning I went to the beauty school of my college and begged them to fix me. They applied a stripper to my hair to get rid of all the dyes (not the naked hanging from a pole kind but a solution), which is pretty much a peroxide and I was left with white hair, then reapplied a blonde. If you are adding this up, my hair has been died and stripped four times in a 24 hour period. A healthy head of hair this does not make. It was impossible to even get a brush through my hair at this point. It was breaking off all over the place, and was a disaster. I had to cut all my long locks off and spent the rest of the year sporting a nice "dyke hairdo"

In college we had another great brainstorm! We decided that we were going to go on a diet! An exlax diet! For those of you reading this out in blog world, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. I got through the whole ordeal with nothing but a sore butt, but my good friend did not have as much luck. You see we were in school to be dental assistants. That particular day we had to go visit the local school and do a presentation for the kindergarten class. We had made a giant happy tooth and sad tooth and laminated them. We also got an array of good and bad foods for the children to stick onto the appropriate tooth. The presentation went over great until we were walking out the door and my friends stomach started gurgling in a way that you do not want to here it gurgle when you are not in reach of a toilet seat. The explosion that came next was one that we all feared. So we get poopy pants to the car, so we could get her cleaned up and changed. The only problem was, we did not want her to sit on the seats with her undesirable pants. Two, we live a good ten miles out of town, and three, it is a chilling minus 30 outside. So we solve problem one. We stuck the giant laminated unhappy tooth under her rear. This made the tooth even more unhappy. It also gave new meaning to the term "bum hungry". Then we all traveled the ten freezing cold miles home with all the windows rolled down, trying to escape the stench in the suddenly extremely compact, compact car.

Well I have many more moments but I will save the rest for another time. However, in my
defense I will say, that I am not dumb I just choose not to know allot of stuff!

Friday, January 07, 2005

Things that make you go Hmmm....

So I was talking to my friend on the phone yesterday. Once again I won't divulge her name, but you will remember her from a previous blog as Kelly Trimble, from Wichita Falls, TX, who is married to Jeff, has two kids, and who often is on my case about my spelling. So anyway I was talking to this girl and she was telling me how her and her husband are looking at coming to Hawaii for vacation. So we discussed places to stay things to see ect. Then her husband pipes up in the background and asks a question about one of the Islands most popular sites. Kelly replies to her husband "she will not know that!" before she even asked me a might add. So I am getting very curious as to what this question could be. This question that I could not possibly know the answer to. So I swallow all my pride and ask her. She said, "Jeff wants to know where the Arizona Memorial is." Now like I said this is one of the most popular things to see on the Island. We live on the Island that is most famous for the Pearl Harbor bombing on Dec 7 in 1941, and she did not think I would know where the Arizona Memorial is. Ok so I had to ask my husband the date, but I knew it was in December. It is not like he asked the history of the Arizona, or how many people frequent it in a given day. Hmmm! I mean I know I am blond, and I do not watch the news because the on goings of the world do not interest me, and I know nothing about politics because frankly that bores me to, and I do not like to research stuff and fill my head with useless information, but where is the Arizona Memorial? Come on! she must think I am dumber then I think.

Why does a bank charge you a non sufficient funds fee on money that they know you already don't have. Hmmm! We got three of them this month! Got to love Christmas. Ben will be happy, now I am talking about our sex life, and our financial situation. So basically they are telling us that now you are $75 broker then you we were before. Thanks!

If love is blind, why does Ben always know when I spend to much money at the Gap? Hmmm!

How can you say honesty is the best policy if you haven't tried some of the others? Hmmm! For example if I ask Ben if my butt looks to big in these jeans, I am perfectly happy if he lies through his teeth and says "of course not honey!"

Did you konw taht eevn if you sepll eevry wrod worng, you can stlil raed it and udrnesatnd waht you are tyrnig to say? Hmm! I wonder if certain people who are always on my case know this?

Can a stupid Person be a smart ass? Hmmm! I think yes!

Why are you expected to slow down in a speed zone. Hmmm! I guess this is what Ben was thinking when he got his speeding ticket on base yesterday. There is good news and bad news about getting a speeding ticket on base. The good news is, it does not cost anything. The bad news is, they take your license away and you are forbidden to drive on base 1 day for every mile you go over. So my husband will be hoofing it for the next 13 days. The only problem is he works down town three nights a week. This is becoming quite the inconvenience for me (the innocent victim) I guess that is what happens when you tie the knot and become one! I should have taught Ben some of my tricks. I got caught speeding on base the week before but I did not get a ticket. It is amazing what a women can get away with. "I am so sorry officer, I did not know the speed limit was 25 and not 35, wink wink!"

Do all men put the milk container back in the fridge when there is one teaspoon of milk left in the bottom? Hmmm. Not that I am complaining honey.....At least you did not leave it on the counter!

Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed? Not that I would ever have any reason to lie in bed. No really I am not joking....No complaints! Well maybe just a few but we can talk about it later. No I am kidding........Really!

P.S- I will leave you with something funny that just happened to me. I was doing spell check on my blog before I posted it and you know the sentence I wrote about spelling things wrong. Well they kept coming up on spell check and I kept correcting them thinking wow I was really typing bad...So many words in a row. Maybe Kelly was right I am dumber then I think I am.

Speaking of me being an idiot, here is one other really stupid thing that happened to me recently. We had company and we were sitting at the dinner table and I got up to get a drink of water from our water cooler and my dad asked me to grab him one to, but says he wants one at room temperature. I say "ok so you want one from the tap then?" He says "no room temperature." I say "I know...From the tap." He points to the water cooler and it has two taps on it. One is white and the other is blue. Apparently room temperature water comes out of the white tap and cold water comes out of the blue tap. "REALLY?!" I exclaim in shock! You see we have had this water cooler for two years and I always thought that the two taps were there just so you could pic your favorite. I usually picked the blue one because white is actually the absence of color. Once and awhile I would pick the white one. The water would be warm and I just figured that the machine must have been broken that day or the water was low or something. Then the next day I would get a glass of water (probably from the blue one), and it was cold again. Yeah it fixed itself! I am beginning to think I might have allot in common with Jessica Simpson, except she is way prettier, and richer!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

When my life flashed before my eyes!

Have you ever had one of those near death experiences? Well I have and I decided that enough time has passed, and I am able to share this tragic story with you. It all started three months ago when I awoke one morning with a giant growth on my bottom lip. This growth was red, scabby, and very itchy. Turns out the medical term for this lesion is herpes simplex one or more commonly known as a cold sore. I would not know this however because I have never had one of these before. So of course I did what every women living in these times would do....I got on the internet to do some self diagnosing and treatment. Reading through page after page of formation I learned that there is no known cause for cold sores and they usually last about a week. All this information taken in I decided to blame it on my husband who just returned for a deployment from a third world country and had surly picked up some retched disease. So I locked myself in my room and away from the public eye where I planned to reside for the next week. Two days into my retreat I got word that my grandmother had gotten very ill and was hospitalized and I flew home directly to see her. I packed my bags and my giant lip and I got on the plane. I am pretty sure people were pointing and staring but I can not say that I blame them. I tried to keep my head down and avoid all the weird looks. So my plan to stay out of the public eye failed miserably and instead I had to greet my family members, and all my moms long lost high school friends who now worked in the hospital and had not seen me since I was a baby. Now I look almost thirty, and pregnant, only the baby was growing in my bottom lip. I was hoping from a distance I would look like I had volumtuous Pamela Anderson lips, but was pretty sure that wasn't working for me. Especially since when I smiled it would crack open and bright red blood would spurt out like a trigger happy water gun. So I spent days by my grandmothers bedside with a blood speckled kleenex held up to my mouth at all times. I think the nursing staff was beginning to think that I was the one who needed to be admitted and operated on ASAP. So days went by and I began to do the math and the ever growing ever painful cold sore has gone past the 3-7 days that the internet had promised me it would leave by. In fact it was pushing on two weeks and I was becoming increasingly concerned. I made A Dr appointment strait away and he gave me some cold sore medication to take both orally and topically. This was sure to do the trick.
That night my mind got to wandering and all these thoughts started to run through my head. I woke up straight away and could not wait to call my husband and get him to do some research on skin cancer on the old faithful internet. Of course there was a 5hour time difference so I paced the floor and let my mind race around till 6am his time when I could not wait any longer and called him. He looked up some information, and I made him read it to me over the phone. What I heard hit me like a ton of bricks. I was now going on day 14 of my new found not so friend, and he reads "lip cancer often gets diagnosed by a cold sore that does not go away. It will bleed often, ect ect." Every line he read was exactly the symptoms I was having. My heart sank and I burst out in tears and told everyone that I was going to die. Yeah go ahead call me a drama queen. So I sit there contemplating my entire life, and my new life with cancer treatments. Me being the vain person that I am was having a harder time getting over the fact that I might loose my hair then that I might die. Yeah I know, you never hear of a person dying from skin cancer but I could be one of the few. I am pretty sure, well fairly sure, that eventually when facing my end days I would become more concerned about dying then my hair loss, but I was not at that point yet. My family members tried to encourage me and tell me that it had probably lasted so long because of stress, or possibly the fact that I was constantly picking at it, but I was sure that my days were numbered. I started taking inventory of my prize possessions and started dividing them out between my friends and loved ones. I was swinging goods like a dealer at a strip poker game. Making a list of all the things I wanted to do before I die. A few more days went by and gradually the cold sore got smaller and smaller. Apparently I am like a cat and have 9 lives because it eventually went away and my oversized lip turned back to normal. My brush with death gave me a new outlook on life and I was going to start living life to the fullest. Then a few more days went by and I went back to me usual self who takes most of my blessing for granted.

I hate it when.......

You go to the bathroom in a public washroom and realize there is no toilet paper, and the person in the next stall does not speak English.

My alarm clock wakes me up in the morning.

You are in the mood to talk on the phone and non of your friends are home to talk.

The kids are watching a video tape in the car and it needs to be rewound and they all start crying (of fighting). Basically they all come out of their trance and I have to deal with them.

You miss your favorite show on TV. Like when the series finally of Felicity comes on and your husband set the recorder but apparently does not know how to use the VCR because it never worked and you miss it and have to stolck the WB to have a re-run.

You step on the scale and the numbers keep going up.

You wake up with a big zit.

Your pastor preaches of the "72 hour rule" in your young married Sunday school class. Please stop giving these guys ideas.

You accidentally get up and get the kids ready for school on a Saturday.

You get a phone call during your favorite TV show. But now I have TiVo so go ahead and call me anytime!

The cat uses my new couches as a scratching post.

You miss a big $1.99 sale at the Gap but your friend hits it and shows you all the great deals she got. You would think I could just be happy for her but I am not.

On the same lines I hate when you find the greatest deal on a fabulous skirt and they do not have your size. So you try and squeeze into the size two that is left and it just brings on further humiliation.

You plan something outside and you get rained out.

You think you wrote a great blog but no one comments.

You go to read your friends blogs and they have not posted in weeks.

People do not return emails.

Two weeks after getting your hair highlighted and well over $100 later you already have roots.

You cut yourself shaving.

You finish shaving and get out of the tub and the kids swing open the door, and in shoots a breeze, causing you to become cold and get goose bumps and then you have stubble again.

You can feel the fat jiggle in your bum when you run.

Your legs rub together when you walk.

You mop the floors and the baby dumps a bowl of spaghetti on it.

You are craving a bowl of cereal and your husband used up the last of the milk.

You decide to try and use "neat" (you know the hair removal lotion) but after you get it all slathered on you get a phone call and do not remove it in time and come to find out it burns through your skin and you have little red dots all over your legs. They are hairless, but still not smooth.

You start to peel and ruin a perfect tan.

You start your period in public with no backup materials and you have to resort to rolled up toilet paper.

You are always, and I mean always, the last one to drop your kid off at school.

You have to make your bed EVERY morning. A good alternative is just keeping your door shut.

You have to clean up a bottle of spilled syrup off the floor.

You stub your toe.

You get to the last page of a really great book.

You run out of conditioner and it takes you ten minutes to comb the knots out of your hair.

Your dog throws up under your bed at 4am.

You accidentally toot out loud in a room full of people.

You go to the beach with a friend and she has had three kids but does not have a single streach mark. Then says "I was just blessed with good genes! "

You are trying to write a blog and the kids are hanging at your ankles begging you to feed them some breakfast. I guess I should take that as sort of a hint. Better go feed my starving children before the Neighbors here them crying and call child protective services.

I hate it when child protective services shows up at your door.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

One In The Same

Well I sit here before you glistening and glowing. The glisten is the sweat dripping off my forehead and the glow is my beat red face. You see I just got home from my first run of the year! I did three miles pushing the double long stretch limo stroller, two adorable rug rats, and breakfast for all! Mothers are so good at the multi tasking thing. Now I am beginning to sound like my husband....Complimenting myself. "Good run honey!" "Well thank you self!" "No really your the best!" "Oh stop it I am blushing!" "Oh hi..." I forgot you were still there. Ok back to my story. So as I am running I am dreading every next step. Setting small goals for myself. Ok make it to the curve in the road, ok make it to that next rock, ok make it to the park, ok two more steps, and on and on every last tortures minute. Then of course when I see someone coming I pick up the pace so everyone thinks I am an extreme runner. I imagine in my head how they are thinking "wow look at that girl run, and she is pushing that big stroller, and look how cute her kids are, I wish I could be like her" Cartoon of fat man running toward a hot dog held in from of him with a fishing poleYour right that is probably not what they are thinking but it sounded good in my head. I give them a big smile and a hello while trying not to sound totally deflated and out of breath. After all an extreme runner would never be out of breath. Then I think I should get a real great matching outfit so people will say "wow look at the girl, she is such a great runner and look at that awesome outfit, boy can she ever accessorize!" So then I pass them and return back to my snail pace and gasp for air. Image is everything right? So finally I come to the end of my excruciating run and I get in my car to drive home. I am quite proud of myself on the way home and tried to pat myself on the back but I pulled a muscle during the attempt. Ok forget the pat on the back, instead I look in the mirror and say "you are good enough, you are strong enough, you are smart enough, and gull darn it people like you!" then I look up and dodge the cat running across the street. I recover from that ok, well better then the cat anyway, his tail will never be the same again. Ok focus on the road, almost home. Now that I have that horrible exercise thing behind me, I have come to one conclusion, exercise is like sex. You could think of about 100 better things to do, you have to force yourself off the couch, you set small goals for yourself, and you look forward to the end, but after it is all over you think wow that was not so bad, maybe even fun, and I actually look forward to doing it again someday....Maybe next month!

Sunday, January 02, 2005

New Years Resolutions!

Ok it is that time of the year again. The time of year where you swear you are going to be a better, skinnier, more Christian, and better spelling person. I know....... I fall for it every year too. Every year I promise myself I am going to do all these things, and I do! I do all of the things on my list. I go down my list and check check check! Wow! I am really good at this New Years resolution thing. In fact, I should probably get a medal. A big huge gold star to wear on my chest. A cover story in the New York Times "The Girl Who Fulfilled All Her New Years Resolutions!" Then I yawn, pull back the covers, and get out of bed on that January first morning (well actually afternoon because I drank too much the night before), and it all goes down hill from there. By the time I make it to the bathroom to brush my teeth I have eaten a Twinkie, tripped over my bible and kicked it under my bed, and spelled the word S_ _ T because I stubbed my toe on the bible and didn't want the kids to hear me swear. Except I spelled it STIH! So this year I decided to beat the system. I decided I was not going to set unrealistic resolutions for myself. I was going to set resolutions that I would be sure to fulfill. So it went something like this: I will curse more, go to church less, spell things wrong on purpose, get fatter, watch Desperate Housewives twice, forget Addison at school more often, drink more, write less blogs, let my roots grow out, start biting my nails, and last but not least, try wiping my butt while standing up and join the 1 out of 8! I have to say it is the evening of January second and I have lived up to all these wonderful resolutions. Well except Addison doesn't start school until tomorrow, so I will not be able to forget her there until then. And the standing up to wipe thing, that might take awhile to get used to. So Happy New Year to all you suckers who set your standards a little too high and now are having trouble achieving them. Maybe next year you can take some of my advice and feel totally liberated!