But I don't want to grow up.......
I know you are not supposed to talk politics or religion, but I am going to break the rules today and share some views and concerns. I feel that God has blessed my life in so many ways. In fact I would go out on a limb and say that nothing bad ever really happens to me and that I have way more then I deserve. In return I give myself to God, when it is convenient for me, when I have time, when I think of it, and when I need something. You can say that God and I have a give and take relationship. He gives and I take. I give him most Sundays and the odd quite time, and he gives me love, security, a wonderful husband, great kids, a nice house, and I could go on and on. I tend to live life on the hook and am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am always waiting for something really bad to happen b/c that would be more deserving to my character. I spent allot of my Christian life (6years) hung up on the "why questions", but have recently gotten over that hurdle. For the first 5 years I would say well it's ok that I am not the Christian I want to be because I am still a baby Christian. Then this last year I have thought, stop kidding yourself you are just a hypocrite. I guess what I am saying is I know Jesus as savior, but haven't taken the time to know Him as friend. Here is where it gets difficult. They say that in order to grow in your faith you need to have trials. hmm...Trials...No thanks. I am pretty comfortable here in my perfect little world where I am showered in blessings and nothing bad happens. The closer a person gets to God the harder satan will try and steer you away. So I feel like if I stay where I am that I am no threat to satan and he leaves me alone. I picture God and I on a road trip, only I am in the drivers seat. God says "why don't you let me drive fo
r awhile" (after all He has the map and knows where He is going). I say "no thanks, I am fine thanks". He says "OK" and lets me continue on my way. I drive in circles for awhile longer and He asks me again to let Him take over, and I decline. Then I go drive into some off road conditions and get stuck. I say "ok you can drive, get me out of this mess, but then I am taking over again." Because He gives me free will, he steps aside and lets me think that I have control. Before you know it I am up to my eye balls in muck again and calling for my savior. I know that in doing this I am content but am missing out on the exciting life that God wants me to have. Content is good though. Then there is the advice God gives us to store our treasures in Heaven and not here on earth. This one I really have trouble wrapping my head around. So a person dedicates there whole life to living for God and when he gets to Heaven he moves into his big perfect mansion. I believe God but do not want to get out of my comfort zone so I do the minimal to get by, and when I go to Heaven I move into my little shack that I have stored up. But here is the glitch...I'm in Heaven! How bad can the projects in Heaven be. I'm in Heaven where there is no pain, or hurt, or hard feelings, or jealousy, so why would I care if I have a shack and my Neighbor has mansion. Not to mention that I have a few friends who will probably have mansions and I am sure they could spare a room . Maybe I could smooze up to Mother Teresa and she would give me a whole wing of her mansion. I am sure there has to be some fine print that I am not seeing, and it will be magnified in Heaven and I will be begging for a redo. I know that the days I do spend in His word and His love are the most wonderful and happy days, so why do I let them be so far and few between. I know who I want to be in the Lord but for some reason do not grasp it for myself? I guess that is my new "why question" Only this "why question" is for me and not God.
5 Comments:
For me it's the satisfaction of knowing I have pleased the Father. The shack or the mansion are only symbols of his gratitude.
I notice with my kids, if I say, "Man, am I thirsty, they barrel over each other running to the fridge for a Pepsi." Because they want to please me.
My older son, couldn't care less, it has worn off now and he want's to know how much is in it for him. I think that's what the difference is.
We are all growing as Christians. You are humble to share your struggles. Thanks.
Hey Alyssa...
Hmm....I think the fact that you are sharing your heart with us here in blogworld is a good indication that you're not really satisfied with where you are in your walk with Jesus. To be honest, I was very much like you in my walk for a lot of years. When I realized that my other Christian friends seemed to have a much more meaningful and fulfilling relationship with Him, I wanted to know why I didn't.
For me, what it came down to was this: what portiion of my day was I spending with God? How much time did I spend in prayer, or worship, or studying the Word? The answer was pathetically zero.
It's like this - when you meet someone that you think you might like to go out with, you spend lots of time (and money) getting to know that person. You go out lots, spend a lot of time together, you talk - about anything and everything. Then you realize one day that you have fallen in love with this person and cannot live without them - and you don't. And every day you spend with them is more special and deepens your relationship even further. But if you don't work on your relationship, it will stagnate and become boring.
God wants us to have a passionate, exciting relationship with Him. He has so much He wants to show us about who He is - I would encourage you to find a bible study to join, that's a step toward knowing Him better. What kind of church do you go to? The right fellowship is important in encouraging your growth.
I guess I am rambling on, but feel free to email me if you want to chat further.
May He bless your willingness to be honest!
Cath
cathwest@logic.bm
www.paidinfull.blogspot.com
Well, I guess I scared all your buds into silence!!
But one more thing, this is YOUR blog.
If you want to talk about religion or politics, or your underwear...oh sorry that was Darlene...hahaha...go right ahead!!
I'll read it if you read mine...tee hee...
Cath who blogger has called Catherine and I can't change it...
I know what you mean girl. Although I have had one tennsy weensy (who knows how that is spelled) trial that was no big deal (insert sarcasm) I still feel myself needing major growth. As much fun as that trial was to go thru and even though I know how much it helped - there aint no way in H-E-double hockey sticks I want to go thru it again! So I try to come up with other ways that will work better but it just isn't the same. As they say "no pain, no gain". Don't be afraid - you will come out better on the other side I promise!
I'm bored, I'm scanning blogs, randomly reading between the spaces and I read this...and I think...how could somebody else...how could someone else be at exactly the same place I am at (unwilling to admit...well, guess not anymore--thanks for that--by the way--just add one more thing to deal with on my plate today--lol) all I can say is I understand...and in some sick way, it is comforting to know I am not the only one.
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Thank you...
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