Wednesday, January 19, 2005



Playing The Field

Since I am on this trip down memory lane, I thought I would keep on and tell you the story of how our second child was conceived. You see we were in the back of this compact car and it was getting pretty steamed up...Just kidding! I had you going for a minute there didn't I?! No really today I am going to tell you a different story. Ben and I had been married for awhile and the newlyweds thing was starting to wear off, so we decided it was time to start dating other people. Yes you guessed it! It was time for us to start "couple dating". You know when you keep your eye out for that perfect couple that you can hang out with on weekends and just be real with. The kind of friends that can walk into your house, open the fridge, and grab a drink because the part of the relationship when you pretend that you eat out of your fine china every night and not pots with an oven mitt underneath is over. She has to be a good dresser, He has to be cool with a slight geek edge to him so my husband will have someone to converse with, similar interests and hobbies, that sort of thing. Now let me warn you couple dating is even harder then regular dating. Not only do I have to like her, but my husband has to like her husband in order for the relationship to really work. Now seeing as we move around so often we always seem to be playing this field. Then you add your children to the equasion and you have a whole new element of stress in this dating world. Now my children have to get along with their children, and it is also good to try and keep the age groups similar. So seeing as our move to Hawaii has been fairly recent I will share some of our dating ups and downs in the last year. The first rule is that you always have to be on the look out! You do not want that perfect couple to sneek by right under your nose. So we are eating one night at one of our favorite restaurants. It is hip, young with an edge, and it has a sandbox for the kids. What more can you ask for. So we had just started on some appetizer when we spot a potential couple a few tables down. Ben and I start to divulge a game plan. OK I will walk by the table and drop my napkin, bend down to pick it up then casually start conversation. No that won't work. Ok how about we buy them a couple a drinks and have the waiter tell them they are from us. That works every time right? We continue to joke about it through our meal, when up comes the perfect opportunity. The girls have to go potty and they are on the way to the bathroom. Great! So we do the walk by and make the "hey your kids are cute eye contact". That is the first step. Then on the way out after you have fixed your hair in the mirror you casually start a conversation when you pass again. "So are you from around here?" "You come here often?" Turns out they are moving in a couple months so we shluff them off as we are looking for something a little more long term. The beach is a great and easy way to meet families. We scope the beach for some cool people like us with cute well behaved kids that are our kids age then we camp out as close to them as possible without freaking them out. Then we tell our kids to go play with their kids, b/c it is perfectly acceptable for kids to just start playing with each other. Adults cannot just walk up to someone and say "hey you wanna be my friend?" Laugh if you will but you are not the ones constantly having to find new friends. Desperate times call for desperate measures! I remember coming home from the beach one day all excited because I got some digits. I share my excitement with my husband who warns me not to make the first call. Even though you are desperate you do not want to look desperate. You have to wait at least three days. I tried but got to impatient and called her as soon as I got home. She must have been as desperate as I was because now we are great friends. We were almost to the point where I was going to make up some fliers and hand them out door to door, or better yet take out an ad in the personals. I measure my self worth by the number of obligations on my social calendar, so when the calendar reads zero, it can be real depressing. I remember one time at our last base it was the 4th of July and we were new and had no wonderful family picnic to go to so I started calling people I knew, or sort of knew and casually asked what they were doing, hoping for an invite somewhere....Anywhere? I had no bitters, and instead got to hear how everyone was going to their friends house for a great picnic. This dating world can be harsh. The rejection! I have come to the conclusion that it takes about a year from the time you move to a new place for your social calendar to start filling up. We just had our one year anniversary in Hawaii and I am happy to tell you that we have hooked up with some great couples, and our calendar has been filled. Not to mention all the people who used to just be acquaintances but have suddenly become good friends since we live in Hawaii! I even have a real good potential waiting on the sidelines! I don't want to get my hopes up but I think they just might be "the ones!" So it is nice to be settled in our new home with our new friends, and we have even stopped playing the field for awhile. It gets to confusing when you try and string along too many couples at once. Then you get double booked and someone goes away with a box of Kleenex and some Ben and Jerry's.


14 Comments:

At 1:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Alyssa! I'm supposed to be doing paperwork, but I can't help my fingers from checking out the popular blog sites!!!! I can't believe how EVERYTHING in your life is a story! You crack me up. I mean finding friends??? I guess with living in freezing Manitoba my whole life, I've never had to find new friends!
As always, you've made me laugh to the point of having to grab a kleenex!!!!
Love Tannis
(Now I just have to figure out how to get a blog account so that I don't have to post a comment anonymously!)

 
At 3:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alyssa, I used to feel special that you "picked me up" at the Dixie Grill. Now I know that I was just one of many. All this time I was thinking that I must just radiate the fact that I would make a perfect friend! But, atleast I know that you must think I am a good dresser! j/k

Vanessa

 
At 5:38 AM, Blogger Lynne said...

Great post. Not to sound pathetic but my husband and I are are still looking for "the ones". Do you think moving to Hawaii would be the answer? Having no messages on our answering machine for days and no invitations to any New Years parties can really get to ya. I think I'm a nice dresser and my husband is definitely geek material in a wonderfully handsome big guy way. (I feel like I'm at an interview.) Do I get the job???

 
At 5:41 AM, Blogger Jeff said...

Other than the fact that I hate to talk and socialize with others, I think Kelly and I would be the perfect couple to date. She can talk and I will happily open your fridge and grab a drink, as long as its Miller Light. I can sacrifice and go for Coors but thats my limit!

 
At 5:46 AM, Blogger Darlene Schacht said...

Alyssa,

I am sure that if you lived in Winnipeg, I would have asked you on a date for sure. I have always gone for blondes. But I don't know if you date older women...

Darlene

 
At 7:36 AM, Blogger Alyssa said...

Vanessa

What can I say I am a dating whore, and the Dixie Grill is a great place to pick up chicks! JK In case you did not notice you are "the ones" on the sidelines as the potential couple that has my hopes up! You may not have been the first but you are the last, and you are a good dresser! Did I suck up enough yet?

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger Alyssa said...

Lynne

You are hired! But we will have to ask you to relocate! I am pretty sure that will not be a problem. Leave Winterpeg for Hawaii?

 
At 7:51 AM, Blogger Kirk Wimberley said...

How many couples can you date at the same time? Do all the dating rules apply to couple dating? Is there "rebound" couple dating? If you see your couple out with another couple, do you break up with them? How far is "too far"?

 
At 7:58 AM, Blogger Alyssa said...

Jeff and Kelly

I tried dating y'all in Texas, you guys had everything we were looking for and Kelly worked at the GAP so that was a bonus! So you are a day late and a dollar short buddy! Jk When you come to Hawaii we will be happy to be your vacation fling!

 
At 9:18 AM, Blogger Kelly said...

You guys are making me laugh today! Usually I just kind of sniker but today I am laughing out loud. I love Kirk's comments. It's true - do you get jealous if you see them out with other people!? My guess is you do!!

I don't think Jeff has enough of the "geek factor" for Ben. Well, maybe he does and I just don't know it! I can't wait to be your "fling" - hope everyone doesn't get jealous when they see what cool friends you had in Texas. They will get over it quick when they see our pale selves on the beach. I think we are both going to have to start tanning just to fit in!

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger Alyssa said...

OK here are the "rules"

you can date more then one couple at a time, but like I said it does get confusing if you date too many at a time, because then you over schedual.

you might get jelous if you see them out with another couple but only if that other couple is dressed better then you are.

if you can get all the couples in your dating life to merge you can just have group dates!

It is important to let the couples know where they stand. For example Kelly and Jeff know that they will just be a vacation fling where as the Jones's (our most serious dating couple at the moment) know they are more long term.

Let me know if this clears things up for you guys!

 
At 10:41 AM, Blogger Kirk Wimberley said...

I don't think I like these rules. I mean, if it is clear that the couples you are seeing are casual dates, then I can accept this. But once you cross the line and date a couple on a more serious level, I don't think you can date other couples at the same time and maintain your integrity. It's cheating no matter how you look at it. And as far as fashion goes, this rule seems a little backwards. I mean, with your spouse, when you get married, you can start wearing shirts with holes in them and saggy underwear. Does this not transfer to couple dating to some level? I mean, I think couples who have a serious relationship don't have to dress nice anymore. Wait a minute, this rule makes sense now, I'm just a little slow. So if you see your couple out messing around with another couple, you should only get jealous if they're dressed better, because that is a sign of something new. Maybe you're about to be replaced? I mean, it all starts with how you're dressed. And I can't help thinking about the game, Sims, when I think of merging all couples into group dates. Weird. And what happens when you're trying to level with the couple you've been dating for awhile and tell them you want to be serious, but they say they just want to be friends? Then you have to start dressing nice again to try and repair any awkward feelings that may have surfaced.

OK, it's offical. I need to get a life! HA!

By the way, my wife and I are not dating anyone now, so we're in the market...

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger Kirk Wimberley said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:04 AM, Blogger Lynne said...

Thank you for the invite. Hawaii sure sounds tempting. We may just take you up on that. Or at least vacation there. Any ideas on what months are best to vacation there?

 

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