New Years Resolutions!

Ok it is that time of the year again. The time of year where you swear you are going to be a better, skinnier, more Christian, and better spelling person. I know....... I fall for it every year too. Every year I promise myself I am going to do all these things, and I do! I do all of the things on my list. I go down my list and check check check! Wow! I am really good at this New Years resolution thing. In fact, I should probably get a medal. A big huge gold star to wear on my chest. A cover story in the New York Times "The Girl Who Fulfilled All Her New Years Resolutions!" Then I yawn, pull back the covers, and get out of bed on that January first morning (well actually afternoon because I drank too much the night before), and it all goes down hill from there. By the time I make it to the bathroom to brush my teeth I have eaten a Twinkie, tripped over my bible and kicked it under my bed, and spelled the word S_ _ T because I stubbed my toe on the bible and didn't want the kids to hear me swear. Except I spelled it STIH! So this year I decided to beat the system. I decided I was not going to set unrealistic resolutions for myself. I was going to set resolutions that I would be sure to fulfill. So it went something like this: I will curse more, go to church less, spell things wrong on purpose, get fatter, watch Desperate Housewives twice, forget Addison at school more often, drink more, write less blogs, let my roots grow out, start biting my nails, and last but not least, try wiping my butt while standing up and join the 1 out of 8! I have to say it is the evening of January second and I have lived up to all these wonderful resolutions. Well except Addison doesn't start school until tomorrow, so I will not be able to forget her there until then. And the standing up to wipe thing, that might take awhile to get used to. So Happy New Year to all you suckers who set your standards a little too high and now are having trouble achieving them. Maybe next year you can take some of my advice and feel totally liberated!