Ticked off!

This morning I posted a blog and the computer started acting up and apparently it got lost in internet space because it is not on my blog or anywhere else to be found. I am so mad. So I will try and remember some of the stuff I wrote. I started by telling everyone how I had the best day yesterday! Why you ask? Let me sum it up in one glorious word....SHOPPING! My niece is staying with us for a few weeks and I am beginning to think she is my clone, only younger. We hit the outlet mall and had a blast! First I would like to announce the birth of a new store in the mall. I was pleasantly surprised to pull up and find a brand new Children's Place outlet! The kids took turns trying on the new spring line and modeling it for grandma. I ended up getting all their Eater outfits there today. Addison got an cute pink stripped skirt with a matching pink Berea style hat, and a pink tank top. Camryn got a light green linen dress with white sash. Corben got a pair of white dress shorts, a blue short sleeve linen button up, and argyle sweater vest with matching argyle socks, and a white golf hat to top it off. Can you just picture the cuteness here? Then my niece and I went on to a more trendy store and ended up buying the same outfit. Is it odd that a 13 year old and a 30 year old have matching outfits? Am I trying to be younger or is she trying to be older? Probably a little bit of both! We got a moss green long flowery, beachy tiered skirt with a matching green tank and a pink tank layered over that. We had fun joking about how we could get pics of us holding hands skipping down the beach in our matching duds. I also got a killer swim suit from Ralph Lauren! I was on my shopping height for the rest of the day. I don't know what it is about shopping that just puts me on cloud nine! When we got home home we suited up and headed for the beach for the last few hours of rays. Can you ask for a better day?
Sunday was Camryn's birthday. She is 4 now, can you believe it. Ben told her that she was not aloud to turn four and must remain three for the rest of her life. She told us that we could not stop her....go figure? She has a party booked with all her little friends next week but on her birthday we went on a whale watching cruise. It was pretty cool. We had a mama and baby whale swimming along with our ship and it was like they were putting a performance on for us. Who needs Sea World when you have the real thing in their natural habitat. It was amazing! I got my hair cut and colored today and I love love love it! I got highlights and lowlights and more chunky then usual. I just got a trim on the length and she flat ironed it. It is pretty hot if I do say so myself. Ok enough girl talk for today. I am sure you guys were real impressed with all the shopping details. Almost feels like you were right there with me!

If Only.....

If only I could have the body that I used to own. The one that did not have stretch marks. The one that let me eat two Big Macs and only grow up instead of out. What happened to the face that I used to have that could smile without laugh lines, and frown without creases? What happened to the butt that was cute and perky but is now just huge and mushy? If only I could go back I would have enjoyed it more while it lasted. I went from a 34 B to a 34 long. Do you think it is possible that my belly button has just shifted upwards. Did I accidentally walk into a house of nails instead of a house of mirrors because parts of my body are starting to look deflated? Some people call them chin hairs but I prefer the term stray eyebrow hairs. Is it normal for one to need to put band-aides on their inner thigh after a good run because they have rubbed each other raw? Are love handles really for loving? I know we are supposed to grow old gracefully, but I think I am going to need allot of grace to grow old. At least I can look forward to random break outs to keep me looking youthful!

Hey Remember Me?

I would not be surprised if you have all forgotten about me since my posts have been so non existent lately. Just wanted to pop in and let you know that I am not avoiding you, I am just trying to get things ready around the house for the next wave of company. DUN DUN DAH The Inlaws! They will be here tomorrow so I have been getting the house in tip top shape. Don't want to ruin that perfect wife mother housekeeper image I have going. So I will try and blog as often as possible while they are here. I am hoping the creative juices start flowing again and I will produce some good blogs once again. For now you will just have to put up with my every day life stuff. So here is some every day life stuff that I had to do today. It brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it. We took Corben's crib down today and put him in his big boy bed. As I sit here typing my little baby is sleeping in his big boy bed for the first time. Waaaagghhhhh! Why did he have to go and grow up like that? Right in front of my eyes he turned from a baby to a toddler. How did that happen? We have not gone without a crib up in the house for the last 5 years. Even though we will probably get to put it up one more time yet, I could not help but cry as each screw was undone and put away. Well I should hit the hay so I can get up and do one more speed clean before the plane lands. Hope ya'll are doing well out there. I miss you all!

I Did It!

Wow, I did it, I actually did it! I went three whole days with out most of the things I was fasting from. The food part went good, no cheats! not one! I did allow myself liquid of any kind, water, diet coke, tea, but not one form of solid food touched my mouth. Day one was hard, like an alcoholic in a liquor store food was calling my name. Day two was much easier, but got a little tough around supper time. I wanted to sink my teeth in to the 50oz steak, lick the plate clean, and wear the free t-shirt. Day three I forgot what food was and thought I might head up an anorexic's are us club, thinking "hey I could just do this forever." By the morning of day four, "eat day," I was starting to feel light headed. The first thing I had was a toasted bagel with PB&J, topped with a tall glass of milk on the side! I know I could have thought of something more exciting for my first meal but I didn't want to get to crazy. The computer fast didn't go quite as well. Once I unplugged the computer I longed for the fulfillment that only my 17 inches could satisfy. So when nobody was looking I got down on my knees and tried to turned it on. Oh come on guys get your minds out of the gutter! I was plugging it back in. So I only allowed myself to bend the rules a little. For example I could read my comments, but I could not answer
them, and I could not read other peoples blogs. Well ok I tried not to but by day three I was so tired of being out of the loop that it was time for a new rule. I could read other peoples blogs, but was not aloud to comment on them. I allowed myself to use the computer for shopping, but was not aloud to IM, unless of course someone was going through a crisis or something. The whole idea was kind of crazy anyway. I mean like I had the energy to devote my time to playing with my kids with no food in my system. The TV thing went well. I was aloud to watch movies with my kids because they wanted me to and that was bonding time. So they sat with me while I watched the Austin Powers sequels. You didn't think I would let them pick the movie did you? JK! We only watched cartoons. I was also aloud to watch Christian movies since that was practically like having a quite time, so we watched Left Behind 2 Tribulation Force. Ok I did break down and watch Gillmor Girls and One Tree Hill but only after the kids were in bed, and I already prayed allot that day. So now I am back! I feel refreshed, cleansed, and my jeans fit a little better!
When I say cleansed I do not mean my conscience, the cleaning I am speaking of is a good'ol colon cleansing. You know the kind the family talks about over dinner in the movie The Nutty Professor. I guess I better start from the beginning. You see I happened upon this tea. An ancient Japanese herbal secret called slim tea. You are supposed to drink it after a meal to help your food digest and to help break down foods so that they do not store as fat. Well this tea has a kick. Not in the taste, the taste is good. The kick comes a couple hours later in the form of some serious gas pains. The kind where you are afraid to release the pressure because it may not be a dry one. You have heard the saying once on the lips forever on the hips, well with this tea you could say once on the lips and your forever making trips.....TO THE THROWN. I spent so many hours on the thrown I was waiting to be crowned king. I am not kidding. Go ahead say I am full of S##T, but it is not true. I have got one squeaky clean colon! Have I painted a good enough word picture in your head. Are you getting the drift here. There was more then a breeze coming out of the south. I am beginning to think this ancient Japanese secret could have been a key weapon in the bombing of Pearl Harbor, because I let numerous bombs drop, and there were some serious explosions to follow! And just like the Pearl Harbor bombing at 5am I got an early sneak attack. Speaking of bombs, my stomach is
telling me that dinner was great but it is time for a counter attack! Smell ya later!

To Blog or Not To Blog?

It seems like everyone is going through the blogging blues lately. Everyone seems to be losing the creative desire that used to burn inside them in their early blogging days. I know that since I have started blogging I feel like it has become more of an addiction then a hobby. It is so easy to let all these compliments go to my head and pretend that I actually have fans. However I feel that my family and my house cleaning have been severely neglected in this process. So there in lies the question "to blog or not to blog" Well a funny thing happened yesterday and I was forced not to blog. Our electricity went out for a day and a half. No TV, no internet, no blog, no light. It was almost like an out of body experience to spend a whole night and day just hanging out with my family and some flash lights! I felt like a part of me was missing....oh yeah I did not have a computer glued to my
forehead. So what I learned is that hanging out with my kids with no interruption is awesome, but I also realized that I am not ready to give up the blog. So here is where I have decided to go from here. To sum it up in one word "boundaries". I must set myself up with some blogging boundaries. For example I can write my blog in the morning, read everyone else's, and then maybe surf through one more time before I go to bed, but no more running to my computer every 5 minutes to read and write comments. To kick this new routine off I am going on a three day fast. I will be fasting from food, the computer, and the TV for the next 3 days. I am going to dedicate these three days to spending time with my family and God. I hope this will be the kick off to a new outlook on my role as a mother, wife, and Christian women. So the Godmother is signing off for three days. I will be back Saturday and I will even break my rule and blog on the weekend. I should be able to come up with some good blogs while I am starving, with my fingers shaking from typing withdrawals, and blurred vision from the lack of television. Wish me luck! If anyone would like to sponsor me they can send Gap gift certificates to help the cause.

Weekend Update!

Well it is Monday once again and we had a very delightful weekend. Friday night we went to Addison's cheerleading game then I came home and snuggled up with the Movie Shall we Dance. Saturday we went on a mission to find Corben some bunk beds. That is one more thing to add to the list of things that suck about living in Hawaii. Your furniture options are very limited and it costs an arm and a leg to get anything shipped from the mainland. So we ended up at a nude furniture store and found exactly what I was looking for so that was exciting!.. They will finish it in any color you want but for $230 cheaper you can paint it yourself. I am really not in the mood to paint. I did the girls bunk beds that way and it took me 9 straight hours. Yes I could have spread this out but I am one of those people that once I start something I have to finish it, and I am setting it up in the room before the paint is even totally dry. So I guess it is time to get my paint brush out again. This time it should not take as long because it is not as intricate as the girls bed was. The girls had a birthday party and then I came home and had a nap while Ben caught up on episodes of CSI. When I awoke I went downstairs to find a stack of dishes on the sink, laundry on the table and Ben in front of the TV. I was just about to say something rude and sarcastic about the condition of the house when there was a knock at the door. I go to answer it and there is a women holding a huge bouquet of flowers. Good thing she came when she did because had I yelled at my husband and then heard a knock at the door I would have felt like a fool. They were from Ben to the best wife in the whole world. So Sunday we decided we were going to skip church because the sun was finally out, and we were definatly going through
withdrawals. So we decided we would take the kids to the waterslides, since our annual passes are going to expire soon. We get the kids all excided and load them in the car for the 30 minute trip to the slide! We turn the corner to the empty parking lot and discover the park has been closed for two weeks due to maintenance. So we proceed to option number two, and go to the Ko Oloina Lagoons. They were all filled up and not letting any more people in so we got our second dose of rejection for the day. God was probably pointing and laughing at us saying "That's what you get for skipping church!" Ben decided that he should probably just go home and study for his huge test he is taking to make his next rank. This did not go over well with me since I had barely seen him all weekend do to his work schedule. So he stayed home with Corben, put him down for a nap, and I took the girls and pouted all the way to the pool. We hung out at the pool for a couple hours and decided to hit the beach instead. At the beach we rented a kayak and the girls and I paddled around the great blue sea for an hour, basking in that almost forgotten sun. We got back to our spot on the beach when Ben called me and told me to come home and get ready
because the babysitter was coming and we were going out! We had a great dinner and saw a good movie! He was just sucking up for not spending time with me, but that's ok because it worked! Then we came home and watched another movie before we went to bed. All in all a wonderful weekend! Notice it did not involve any football watching!!! Yippee!

Once again it is time for Alyssa's movie reviews of the week:

Mulan 2- not as good as the first but the kids enjoyed it and it was entertaining.

Shall We Dance- I was not expecting much, but it exceeded those expectations. I am also
bias against Jennifer Lopez because I have a grudge against her ever since she dated my fantasy husband Ben Affleck. It was a cute romantic comedy, defianatly a chick flick.

Ray- A movie of Ray Charles life. Jamie Fox did a great job in her role as Ray and it was a good but tragic storey. Long but a good watch. It is shameful how that horrible poisonous drug heroin can mess up a life.

In Good Company- This is the movie we saw in the theater on our date night. It was very good. Two thumbs up! Just a cute feel good movie. I left feeling all warm and fuzzy inside!

That's it for this week! I will say that there was a serious movie void over the past few months where there were no good movies being released in the theaters, and those movies are now getting released on video so there is going to be a movie watching lull. The good news is there are some great movies coming out in theater right now so we have something to look forward to!

Momzillas

First of all let me tell you that it is a new day, it is still raining buy my spirits have brightened. Maybe just getting everything off my chest in my blog yesterday did it! What ever it was I feel good today, mind you it is only 7:42am so you may want to check in with me later. Although I am not a morning person so if I can be happy at 7:42am that is a good sign. So that being said I would like to thank you all for your encouraging words, it feels good to be loved! Let’s get on with the blog shall we?

Today I am going to write about a new species of person that have been invading our world. They call them the momzillas. Scientists have been doing invasive studies on these women and have not yet discovered what wires have gotten crossed to cause this appalling transformation to these new mothers. One day they were mentally capable human beings and suddenly while in the horizontal position some sperm wiggles into one of their eggs and they become intolerable,
borderline psychotic, unreasonable, MOMZILLAS. It is a horrible transformation. It is a condition that get worse over the time of the pregnancy and then get persistently worse once the baby is born.

Here are some symptoms that may look out for and be suspicious of. If you see more then one of the symptoms let you warning lights flash and your sirens roar because you will soon witness the MOMZILLA transformation. I must warn you and please take this serious, this is not a pretty sight. You will know if you are dealing with a momzilla if after taking a positive pregnancy test she will no longer drink one sip of caffeine, even though the DR. Said it was ok to have a cup a day. Momzillas abruptly become smarter then DR.'s . She will no longer pick up anything that weighs over ten pounds, and will take extra precautions and make it 5 pounds just to be safe. She will become absolutely appalled if you ask her to carry a grocery bag. She will take her prenatal pill at the exact same time (to the minute) every day. She will abstain from sex for nine month in fear that it could possibly hurt the baby. Now some pregnant women practice this technique but are not a momzillas and are simply smarter then their husbands.
She will take a picture of her growing belly every single day and display it on a poster board throughout the pregnancy. She will start the pregnancy waddle at 3 months. She will have a 500-page journal of her entire pregnancy. One final symptom that you may pick up on is she will suddenly only be friends with people that are at in the exact same term as she is in her pregnancy, however this is some what of a plus because all she will talk about it how she feels, how many times she felt the baby move, the top 20 list of names for a boy or a girl, every Braxton hicks cramp she feels, how her hair looks so shiny because of her prenatal, how great being pregnant is, and how she almost went to jail for punching another pregnant women she saw drinking a coke, because that after all is like killing your baby.

If you see any of these forewarnings please take immediate action and run for cover from these people. You think you can help them but once the momzilla sets in there is nothing you can do to control it or stop it from manifesting.

Once the baby is born she will hover over it like a bee over honey. No one will be able to touch the baby with out having a fully antibacterial shower. She will carry the antibacterial gel in her purse and apply it to herself and anyone in a ten-foot radius. She will growl at any stranger who tries to get a peek at the baby. Even if it is the cute little old lady on the bench at Target that is
simply reminiscing a time from her youth with her first child was swaddled in her own arms. She will boil anything that the baby will come in touch with, including all nipples, pacifiers, toys, and you, if you are not careful. If any of these items then drop on the floor, they will be picked up immediately and re-boiled. Life will suddenly center on her baby, and her baby's sleep schedule.
You thought she talked allot about her pregnancy.......That is nothing compared to her lengthy and extensive rambling of the new baby. The only topics of conversation she will indulge in are, labor, breast feeding, diaper changing, labor, breastfeeding, how cute her baby is, labor, breast feeding, how many times she got up last night, labor, and breast feeding. She will not let the
baby cry for more then .5 seconds, she will sleep with one hand on the baby at all times to monitor breathing. She would never dream of leaving the baby unattended on the couch propped up with a pillow in case the baby rolls off, even though the baby is only 8 days old. Your only defense against these women is to smile and nod because there is no convincing them that there behavior is borderline paranoia. They know far more then you do about raising children even if you have already had four children of your own that are surviving just fine.

This momzilla phenomenon usually happens in first time mothers but in extreme cases has been known to reappear in subsequent pregnancies. Dr's have not found any medications to cure momzilla syndrome but may I suggest a good dose of valume!

Depression????

This is not going to be a funny feel good blog, because I am not in a funny feel good mood. The thing is, I do not know what kind of mood I am in. The font just changed and I am not sure how I did that or how to turn it back, but anyway as I was saying.............I am in some sort of unexplainable rut. I would say I am depressed but that could not be because I do not get depressed, and I actually laugh at people who do. I mean what is so bad about your day that you have to get depressed. Just be happy, its easy. I did not even suffer any post pardom depression. However lately I have been in this downer mood where I do not want to go anywhere or see anyone. I don't know if it is the 2 weeks of rain we have had, or if it is finally getting to me that I do not have all the play groups and bible studies and lunch dates that I did in Texas. What ever it is I feel blah and I can't shake it. Last night I went to Old Navy to cheer myself up, and it did but it was just a temporary high. Today it is raining again, I am wearing my new pink pants, and I still don't feel my cheerful self. I mean what on earth do I have to be depressed about? I have a great husband, wonderful kids, I live in Hawaii, I don't have to work outside the home, I have a roof over my head, food on the table, friends that care about me, a God who blesses me and loves me, I have good hair, blogging fans, ( I mean I am the Godmother of Blog) and I have been undeserving of this title lately. So anyway just wanted to let you guys know the reason for my lack of blogs. The reason is, I do not know the reason. I do know that I hope my crazy mood swing swings the other way so I can get back to my happy go lucky, fly by the seat of my pants, shop till you drop self!

READ JEFF"S BLOG!

This is a command from the Godmother of the Blog Mafia. You must read Jeff's blog today, it had me in stiches! His link is on the side. Kuddos to Jeff!

Hair Styles of the Destitute and Unfamous

Darlene wrote a blog about weather or not a person should cut there hair short when they turn forty, and yes it is true I have a LONG time before I hit that mark, ha ha just kidding.....I started thinking about all the torment I have put myself and my hair through. I guess it goes back to the days where I would sit strained for hours while my mom would tie rags in my hair and I would have ringlets over night. Over a night of sleeping on a bunch of thick dreadlocks. A few times the whole thing back fired and I had a head of snarly afro instead of ringlets. Think Bozo the clown as a blonde, minus the bald spot on top. Then there was the time where I met my new baby brother and everyone was oowing and awing over him. That was my position in life and I was not will to give that up, so one day while my mother napped I decided to give myself a matching hair cut. This way everyone would think I am so cute and drool over me again. I did not want to get in trouble so I hid all the evidence by burying it in my sand box. I guess my mother had more smarts then my 5 year old mind because there was no fooling her. I guess that was my first dyke haircut. It was a really short pixie cut, and I spent the summer with kids in my Neighborhood saying "why do you look like a boy?" Then we move along to 5th grade when I would let my tenth grade babysitter practice being a hairdresser with my hair
because I thought she was cool. Can you say mallet anyone? Next came a hair do I was most proud of.....The rat tail? Who remembers that one. There were many different names for this one, but you know the one I am talking about. The one where you cut all your hair short except one strip that grew down you back. Then you could be real fancy and wear those 10 strands of hair in a braid. Seventh grade came around and that is when I got introduced to my new best friend. The hairspray bottle. This was a do that took many hours to achieve. You would start
out this do by getting a spiral perm. Not just any perm...but a spiral perm, because they were the coolest. Then you take a blow dryer (mine was hot pink) believe it or not it is now wrapped in duck tape and my mother still uses it. So anyway you take your blowdryer and start by aiming it to the sides of your head so that the sides of your hair blow out like two wings streaching out. Then when your hair is blowing in that shape you apply a can of hairspray to each side so that it stays that way. When you have trouble getting through the bathroom door without your hair hitting the edge you apply one more can of hair spray and get to work on the top. Now for the bangs you divide your hair into two sections...One to curl up.......And one to curl down. Now the trick here is to spray your hair while it is in the curling iron. Keep it in the iron until the smoke starts coming from the top of your head and then pry you iron out as the hair sticks to it. Do this for both the top and bottom curl. Then you take a pick or teasing comb, and you back comb the h E double hockey sticks out of it. When it looks like something resembling a rats nest you set it with one more can of hairspray. The great part is you do nothing to the back and it just stays flat against your head. Boy did I think I was a head turner in those days. I am sure I turned allot of heads but they were laughing at me not with me. We have one very memoral picture of that "do" where I am standing infront of the Christmas tree and my hair was higher then the angel on top. Lets just say I appeared to be at least 4 inches taller and didn't even need to wear heals. Somewhere amoung the 11th grade it tamed back down to some sort of normal, and I actually had decent hair by graduation. Then I went to college and went for that bleach bottle blond look. My hair was so blonde it was practically glowing. Made a great asset when trying to sneak into the dorms after hours. Just follow the hair. The hair shall lead the way. When I decided to dull it down a bit we had that whole green hair fiasco I told you about. We won't even go there again. A few years went by after that before I screwed my hair up again. Brings us to a time during the release of Something About Mary. I thought Cameron Diez was the cutest thing ever in that movie and decided I was going to have a Cameron makeover, forgetting that I look nothing like Cameron and my hair was ten times as thick as hers. You can just imagine how well that went over. Dyke haircut number two! I even tried the gel she used in the movie but that didn't help either! So my friend talks me into highlighting my hair since it was so short it would be easy to upkeep. So I put my head in her hands and let her work her miracles. Apparently she missed that class because I looked like a skunk on crack. We had to seek professional help for that one. Shortly after that I got pregnant and became the fat dyke. That was horrible. I mean you already feel fat and ugly but add a really bad hair cut and it is just depressing. That seemed to start a pattern because the next time I got pregnant snip off the hair came again. In walks dyke haircut number three. Sucker for punishment I guess because there came another nine months of fat bad hair days. During this time we took a trip to Colorado and I still can't look at those pictures because I looked so ridiculous. I actually remember going through the whole trip thinking "this would be so fun if I had hair!" When I got pregnant with my third I forbid Ben to let me come within a 100 mile radius of any beauty salon. That was an enjoyable pregnancy b/c not only did I have long shiny hair, but it grew several inches as well. Now I am sporting a long lifeless do with three inches of dark roots. I think they call this hairdo mother of three with no time on her hands for herself. I am thinking of starting a support club and we can all say to each other " No really we can hardly notice your roots, and those split ends really work for you!" wink wink!