Momzillas

First of all let me tell you that it is a new day, it is still raining buy my spirits have brightened. Maybe just getting everything off my chest in my blog yesterday did it! What ever it was I feel good today, mind you it is only 7:42am so you may want to check in with me later. Although I am not a morning person so if I can be happy at 7:42am that is a good sign. So that being said I would like to thank you all for your encouraging words, it feels good to be loved! Let’s get on with the blog shall we?

Today I am going to write about a new species of person that have been invading our world. They call them the momzillas. Scientists have been doing invasive studies on these women and have not yet discovered what wires have gotten crossed to cause this appalling transformation to these new mothers. One day they were mentally capable human beings and suddenly while in the horizontal position some sperm wiggles into one of their eggs and they become intolerable,
borderline psychotic, unreasonable, MOMZILLAS. It is a horrible transformation. It is a condition that get worse over the time of the pregnancy and then get persistently worse once the baby is born.

Here are some symptoms that may look out for and be suspicious of. If you see more then one of the symptoms let you warning lights flash and your sirens roar because you will soon witness the MOMZILLA transformation. I must warn you and please take this serious, this is not a pretty sight. You will know if you are dealing with a momzilla if after taking a positive pregnancy test she will no longer drink one sip of caffeine, even though the DR. Said it was ok to have a cup a day. Momzillas abruptly become smarter then DR.'s . She will no longer pick up anything that weighs over ten pounds, and will take extra precautions and make it 5 pounds just to be safe. She will become absolutely appalled if you ask her to carry a grocery bag. She will take her prenatal pill at the exact same time (to the minute) every day. She will abstain from sex for nine month in fear that it could possibly hurt the baby. Now some pregnant women practice this technique but are not a momzillas and are simply smarter then their husbands.
She will take a picture of her growing belly every single day and display it on a poster board throughout the pregnancy. She will start the pregnancy waddle at 3 months. She will have a 500-page journal of her entire pregnancy. One final symptom that you may pick up on is she will suddenly only be friends with people that are at in the exact same term as she is in her pregnancy, however this is some what of a plus because all she will talk about it how she feels, how many times she felt the baby move, the top 20 list of names for a boy or a girl, every Braxton hicks cramp she feels, how her hair looks so shiny because of her prenatal, how great being pregnant is, and how she almost went to jail for punching another pregnant women she saw drinking a coke, because that after all is like killing your baby.

If you see any of these forewarnings please take immediate action and run for cover from these people. You think you can help them but once the momzilla sets in there is nothing you can do to control it or stop it from manifesting.

Once the baby is born she will hover over it like a bee over honey. No one will be able to touch the baby with out having a fully antibacterial shower. She will carry the antibacterial gel in her purse and apply it to herself and anyone in a ten-foot radius. She will growl at any stranger who tries to get a peek at the baby. Even if it is the cute little old lady on the bench at Target that is
simply reminiscing a time from her youth with her first child was swaddled in her own arms. She will boil anything that the baby will come in touch with, including all nipples, pacifiers, toys, and you, if you are not careful. If any of these items then drop on the floor, they will be picked up immediately and re-boiled. Life will suddenly center on her baby, and her baby's sleep schedule.
You thought she talked allot about her pregnancy.......That is nothing compared to her lengthy and extensive rambling of the new baby. The only topics of conversation she will indulge in are, labor, breast feeding, diaper changing, labor, breastfeeding, how cute her baby is, labor, breast feeding, how many times she got up last night, labor, and breast feeding. She will not let the
baby cry for more then .5 seconds, she will sleep with one hand on the baby at all times to monitor breathing. She would never dream of leaving the baby unattended on the couch propped up with a pillow in case the baby rolls off, even though the baby is only 8 days old. Your only defense against these women is to smile and nod because there is no convincing them that there behavior is borderline paranoia. They know far more then you do about raising children even if you have already had four children of your own that are surviving just fine.

This momzilla phenomenon usually happens in first time mothers but in extreme cases has been known to reappear in subsequent pregnancies. Dr's have not found any medications to cure momzilla syndrome but may I suggest a good dose of valume!