I Did It!

Wow, I did it, I actually did it! I went three whole days with out most of the things I was fasting from. The food part went good, no cheats! not one! I did allow myself liquid of any kind, water, diet coke, tea, but not one form of solid food touched my mouth. Day one was hard, like an alcoholic in a liquor store food was calling my name. Day two was much easier, but got a little tough around supper time. I wanted to sink my teeth in to the 50oz steak, lick the plate clean, and wear the free t-shirt. Day three I forgot what food was and thought I might head up an anorexic's are us club, thinking "hey I could just do this forever." By the morning of day four, "eat day," I was starting to feel light headed. The first thing I had was a toasted bagel with PB&J, topped with a tall glass of milk on the side! I know I could have thought of something more exciting for my first meal but I didn't want to get to crazy. The computer fast didn't go quite as well. Once I unplugged the computer I longed for the fulfillment that only my 17 inches could satisfy. So when nobody was looking I got down on my knees and tried to turned it on. Oh come on guys get your minds out of the gutter! I was plugging it back in. So I only allowed myself to bend the rules a little. For example I could read my comments, but I could not answer
them, and I could not read other peoples blogs. Well ok I tried not to but by day three I was so tired of being out of the loop that it was time for a new rule. I could read other peoples blogs, but was not aloud to comment on them. I allowed myself to use the computer for shopping, but was not aloud to IM, unless of course someone was going through a crisis or something. The whole idea was kind of crazy anyway. I mean like I had the energy to devote my time to playing with my kids with no food in my system. The TV thing went well. I was aloud to watch movies with my kids because they wanted me to and that was bonding time. So they sat with me while I watched the Austin Powers sequels. You didn't think I would let them pick the movie did you? JK! We only watched cartoons. I was also aloud to watch Christian movies since that was practically like having a quite time, so we watched Left Behind 2 Tribulation Force. Ok I did break down and watch Gillmor Girls and One Tree Hill but only after the kids were in bed, and I already prayed allot that day. So now I am back! I feel refreshed, cleansed, and my jeans fit a little better!
When I say cleansed I do not mean my conscience, the cleaning I am speaking of is a good'ol colon cleansing. You know the kind the family talks about over dinner in the movie The Nutty Professor. I guess I better start from the beginning. You see I happened upon this tea. An ancient Japanese herbal secret called slim tea. You are supposed to drink it after a meal to help your food digest and to help break down foods so that they do not store as fat. Well this tea has a kick. Not in the taste, the taste is good. The kick comes a couple hours later in the form of some serious gas pains. The kind where you are afraid to release the pressure because it may not be a dry one. You have heard the saying once on the lips forever on the hips, well with this tea you could say once on the lips and your forever making trips.....TO THE THROWN. I spent so many hours on the thrown I was waiting to be crowned king. I am not kidding. Go ahead say I am full of S##T, but it is not true. I have got one squeaky clean colon! Have I painted a good enough word picture in your head. Are you getting the drift here. There was more then a breeze coming out of the south. I am beginning to think this ancient Japanese secret could have been a key weapon in the bombing of Pearl Harbor, because I let numerous bombs drop, and there were some serious explosions to follow! And just like the Pearl Harbor bombing at 5am I got an early sneak attack. Speaking of bombs, my stomach is
telling me that dinner was great but it is time for a counter attack! Smell ya later!