Darlene's interview....Interview of a snob!

I have been sent 5 interview questions by Darlene that I am to answer on my blog so here they go.....

1. If your credit was maxed, your wallets were empty and the Gap had the most wonderful sale in which you needed $500.00 or you would simply die, where would you get the cash?

This question is easy because I actually have this problem all the time. First I rack my brain to see if anyone I know owes me money. That usually does not get me to far because since I spend all my money at Gap I never have money to lend anyone. So then I go to plan B. I dig out all the credit cards and call the 1-800 number on the back to see if I can russel together a few bucks that way. This can give me a 20 spot here and there if I am lucky. I consider one night of stripping for some quick cash but then see my butt in the reflection of my sliding glass doors I mean the whole door) and realize I would have to pay someone to watch me strip. That takes me to plan D write a hot check and tell Ben he has two days to pick up some extra shifts and cover the checks before they go through or he will be receiving a letter in the mail.

2. I really need to know this next one, so I'm asking the expert. If Ben wants sex and you both know your period's not due for two weeks, what excuse could you possibly use?

Hmm let me get out my little excuse book for this one.....So many to choose from let me tell you some of my favorites......Lets see excuse number 12 works, no wait a minute lets just do a top ten
10.I am too tired
9.talk to a friend during the day and have her call me with a major problem right when we are about to head to bed. Then pretend to solve her problem while Ben is falling asleep, and once he is out joke about how easy guys are to fool, then bet each other an outfit on who can go the longest without putting out.
8.Tell him I did too many squatts when I worked out that morning and I cannot open my legs because it hurts too much
7.drink some slim tea mid afternoon and it should kick in right around bed time. Nothing like a bad case of diarrhea to turn the guy off. If he has a strong stomach then you might have to throw in phrases like "Oh my gosh I just finished dry heaving out my butt" This should put him over the edge.
6.Tell him you just have a "not so fresh feeling"
5.make him get a second job so you are asleep before he gets home at night. This also pads your shopping wallet.
4.on your way up to the bedroom pinch your youngest child in their sleep. When the child wakes up crying tell your husband you are so sorry but the baby has to sleep in your bed tonight.
3.Tell him you just cannot get intimate with the cat watching you.
2.Keep scratching yourself and then say I would love to make out tonight honey butt I just can't stop this itch.
1.the number one sure fire way to make sure you do not have to put out when you are too tired is.............
start a fight right before you go to bed. End it with a "you just don't make me feel pretty, and with my self esteem so low there is no way I can even think about such an act."

3. If I went to Hawaii for just 24 hours, what would we do?

I feel like this is a question you would hear on the dating game. First I would woo you with a champaigne breakfast with waffles and fresh strawberries at a table on the beach while we watched the sunset. Then we would take a walk hand and hand........blah blah what ever! We would hit all the best beaches on the island, snorkel for fish, and Europeans in speedos, throw in a speed shopping trip, load you up with cheesy Hawaiian souvenirs to add to your collection you have going on your computer desk. Top it off with a kick ass game of catch phrase and cranium, while we waited for your plane to take off and the sun has set. But really you should just come for 3 weeks.

4. If you lived in Hollywood, and Ben left you for Jennifer Aniston, who would you date in order to get over the whole Bennifer thing?

Who else but the original Bennifer himself. Funny because I was actually talking about this with my friend last night. I am kind of getting over Ben Affleck but he has been the man I would leave my husband for for so long that he is more a habit then a crush these days. However it has worked out to be quite convenient because when I am in that once a month romantic moment and I am concentrating on Ben Affleck to get me through I can let his name slip and my Ben (Ben turner) thinks I am talking about him.

5. Did you ever have someone crush on you that weirded you out?
Well there was this guy that worked at the Gap with me during the night stocking shift. No wait I thought he was a guy but it turns out he was a she and "she" was always getting a little close and smiling a little to much at me. Freaked me out!

There you have it folks. My first official interview. Now don't get fooled. I have posted twice today so make sure you read both. I would hate to let a blog go unnoticed!