The Fork In The Road....
Well as we stand right now we have two paths ahead of us. Each path would be great the hard part is deciding which one to take. I mean the decision we make right now could totally alter the rest of our lives, the people we meet, and the people our kids eventually marry. I know that God has already worked everything out for His glory and what ever path we choose will be exactly His plan. Is it because He already has our future predestined, or does He just already know what choices we will make before we make them. Maybe I am just over thinking this. So I will lay out the two paths for you and then all of you can vote and I will take what ever path wins. OK maybe not but I definitely would love everyone's input.
Path one: We stay 2 more years in Hawaii, move to Europe for 3 years (travel and chance of a life time), however Ben will still deploy once every 2 years for 6 months. Then after Europe we would have 4 more years left in the Air Force and we would come back to the states for our last 4 years hopefully at a base in the city or at least near the city that we eventually want to retire. Not yet knowing what that city is. Ben would retire at the age of 39 with a full military pension, a masters degree, and be young enough still to start his new career, possibly teaching at a University, giving our children cheaper tuition at the University which could always come in handy with 4 kids. Then at retirement age he would have two pension and we would be pretty well off. Now out of that time from now until Ben retires from the military he will have spent at least 2 years maybe 3 away from the family on deployments. If you retire in the Air Force you have to spend at least 1 year without your family in Korea. This does not include the 6 months deployments he takes every 2 years. Some people can slip through the cracks and avoid this but there is no guarantee. Also Addison will graduate (crazy) the same year we retire and if we have moved around her whole life she will never have a home town, however she will have had a chance to see the world. Both pretty important. Also the kids would have free medical until they are 21 and Ben and I for life (again huge with 4 kids). So pluses are: traveling Europe, great schools in Europe, job security,retirement at 39, medical for life, possibly cheaper collage tuition. Negatives: deployments, always moving around, being so far away from family, especially now that my brothers are starting to get married and have kids
Path 2: We stay in Hawaii for 1.5-2 more years get out of the Air Force move to Tyler Texas where Ben will get a job working for his dad who owns an insurance and investment company. We would be taking a slight pay cut the first year but within 4 years will be making double what we make now. With the money we make off the equity of our house in Hawaii we could afford to buy our dream home in Texas. The kids would be near Ben's side of the family, plus it would be easier and cheaper for us to visit my family in Canada, so we would see them more as well. We would get to stay in one place and not have to pick up and move all the time (that could be good or bad). With family around I would be able to go back to work or school if I wanted. Not that I do really but who knows. Also we were thinking if we got out that he could join the guard and that way we do not lose our medical and retirement pay he just would not get it until he turns 60 instead of 39. We figured it out and the money in retirement he would lose from the age of 39 to 60 would be about $250 000 however since we would be making double on the outside what he makes in the Air Force that would make up for that money. He would owe the guard 9 years of one weekend a month 2 weeks a year. He could also get deployed if any major tradgesty happened ie 9-11. Pluses: dream house, our family will be together, not having to move, near family, no or less deployments. Minuses: we might get bored in one place, it's no Hawaii or Europe, too hot, it might be too close to family.
So there are the two paths in a nut shell. I would really appreciate as much input as possible. We have a year or so to make our final decision, and we will probably change our minds a hundred times by then. So all you readers who read and do not comment, this is the time to comment!!!!!! Thanks!
13 Comments:
Oh by the way I don't know if anyone noticed the new name on my blog role but BEn started his own blog. Not much there yet but go check it out!
I'm assuming Ben likes the Air Force...would he like working with his dad? A happy daddy makes for happy kids...:)
Thats a hard one as my family is wacky (but you already know that) so I dont know what its like to be close to family in a good way. I need more info before Ill pick one. Like which job does Ben want to be doing and why? ..........
Alyssa,
I read your blog a lot but have never commented. We are not military but my husband is a commercial pilot -- we have moved 10x in 13 years of marriage. If it was "me", I would want to be by family. We did live for 4 years next door to his parents, and that was WONDERFUL! The kids have such great memories gardening with grandma,lunch at grandma's...just the daily life near family. We had a date night every week, the support of family nearby. You can always travel...but grandparents are growing older, and the memories and stable life can not be bought with money. We are facing some of the same issues regarding a possible job change, and move. My only advice would be if you both aren't coming to the same decision, you need to pray together until you do. And get plenty of counsel. The thought of more deployments would depress me. It is so hard on the family. As it is my husband is gone 2 weeks at a time and that's hard! I don't know you do it, but I know the Lord gives you strength. Many blessings, Dana
Oh my!! What a fun decision to make! At least you have options! My first thought would be stay in - only for selfish reasons - I want to come visit you in Europe too! We are running out of friends to "use" in the military! :) But I think it would be great to live closer to family and let the kids have those memories.
Good luck with that choice! Your right - it's only your whole future!! :)
Hey Alyssa:
Here are some things I've been pondering about your decision:
- being close to family is awesome, especially when the kids are younger. I don't know if you know but my Mom and Dad moved to Kamloops in June last year and it has been a great blessing to have them so close. I cherish the relationship that the girls have with them and love to see them interact.
- moving around as a young child is not as easy as when you're older. Making new friends is hard and moving away from good friends is even harder.
- Europe is great but at your childrens ages I don't know if they'll really get what a great opportunity it is. If you have the money, go on the vacation of a lifetime with them when they're old enough to really take it all in.
Whatever decision you make will be the right one and either way, I can't wait to read all about it and see all your great photos; either from Europe or USA.
Your Canadian cuz,
Kendra
Wow. Those are some BIG decisions. That's awesome you have a year to think on them. My best advice? Pray and go with whatever gives you a peace. Either one will be hard, but whichever one gives you a peace will force you to grow exactly where God wants you to grow. If you go with what you think you should go with just because you're afraid of what might happen otherwise that's no good and will just leave you unhappy.
Personally I LIKE the Europe option. Something about being near family and having life lined up for you goes against my values. Hahahahaha! But I'm serious. It keeps you from growing, and it's so comfortable that it's easy to get caught up in all things materialistic and on the surface. Anywho that's how I feel, even though my heart breaks every time I think about how far we are from family especially during holidays like MEMORIAL DAY.
By the way, I was going to come here if you hadn't posted just to wish you and your sweet family a VERY HAPPY Memorial's Day! You deserve it sweetie!! Thanks for you comment on my site. Funny you said what you said... how did you know that's been an issue for me lately?? Did I post it somewhere? Any way hugs and x's and o's and have a fabulous Memorial Day with your fam!
Alyssa,
Just another pro vs con to consider. Yes, Europe would be amazing, and I know it's different for everyone, but my dad was military. I lived in Europe for 7 years, and then moved between 3 different high schools. I had hardly any friends because a lot of kids had their established friends from childhood. Children can be very mean. A lot of military people stay in Europe for quite a while. So that's something to think about. Also, like I told you on the phone, we're moving to Texas as well. Mike is getting out next year. That would be cool to see each other again!
Amy W.
Alyssa,
I also agree that a happy daddy makes for happy kids plus a happier wife.
I'm glad that the Lord already knows. We just wish he's write it in the sky for us sometimes.
I love your adventure in life. Your life is very exciting and I envy it. But I know that I don't think I'm built with the strength and creativity that you have.
One thing, I think you could handle any situation. You are an amazing woman. I'd like to tap into your creativity and energy sometime. Luckily you are still young.
One thing though is family is very important for everyone. Think about your parents ages and whether they could handle the separation for close to ten years yet.
My first gut choice would have been plan A but when I thought about my parents and how old they are getting now. I am so thankful that my kids will have fond and fun memories of energetic grandparents locked in their brains.
MOST IMPORTANTLY. Pray hard about it but trust him to lead you both. I also agree that you both have to have the same gut opinion. Then there will be no regrets or looking back.
Keep us all posted. It is just so exciting. In my opinion I love Hawaii AND Texas.
It's very fortunate that you have two great options to choose from. My first thought would be this - be extremely careful and VERY conservative in your anticipated income as an insurance/investment salesman. It may be different with Ben working for his dad, especially if his dad hands over a lot of residual income paying accounts. Otherwise, I know all too well how easy it is to be suckered into the "you can make $100,000/yr by year three". Sure, it can happen mathematically, but it is very, very, very hard, and please don't take that lightly. I have no doubt that Ben could be very successful if it really is what he wants to do and he's driven and motivated to do all the extremely hard work and long hours that it takes to get there. However, if he'd rather be home with the family, or if he'd rather not cold call and always try to sell somebody something they think they can't afford, $100,000/yr may never come. Anyway, just consider my perspective along with all of the other counsel you get, only because I'm in the business and have seen it many, many times. You get in thinking you'll make a lot of money, but probably only 10-20% of the people actually make it. Ben may be in that category, but what if he's not? I would cringe at the idea of deployments every two years, especially for a solid year. If getting out means you have to pay for your own healthcare, well, you can't put a price tag on being home with your family forever. Pay the healthcare yourself so you don't lose all that time with your family. Anyway, it's obviously not my decision, so I can't make a recommendation, but these are a few of my thoughts to throw into the mix. Good luck!!
Wow Alyssa! This is definitely going to involve lots of prayer! What a huge decision. If it were me, although the Europe thing sounds like fun . . as does the option of early retirement . . I'd almost lean towards being able to feel settled in one place, for my kids' sake . . but there could be arguments for the other side, too. I guess it really does depend on what Ben would be most happy doing, as well. So many different factors to take into consideration! A good thing to remember is that as long as you're open to the Lord's leading, you can trust Him to open and close doors and to give you peace when you're in His will. He's so good!
Ben and Alyssa, next year there is going to be a huge push to exile people out of the AF. If you have enough years in there could be some money available, I think the proposed formula is base pay x 12 x number of years divided by 10. We worked ours out to be around 320K, now take into account the taxmans cut. You can also take this over a ten year period to ease the IRS cut. Just wanted to let you know about this.
I think more will be coming on this in October time frame, with this and the money from your house, you could be setting pretty in Texas....Good luck, I know you will make the right choice. Beau
that's a tough one. The best parts about option 2 are that Ben doesn't get deployed and you won't have to miss him and alos making double money then in the airforce. But option one with the travelling does sound more 'exciting' and the early retirement money and all that. I'm not sure. hmmmm!
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