Cry much?

Well it has been a rough week at the Turner household. Ben got his orders to deploy and I cannot even say it or type it without bursting into tears. The thing is the orders came out Monday and he was not on them. Because he was having a baby they were trying to make it so he could stay home. However some guy who got orders got a DR's note saying he could not deploy because of medical reasons and now Ben has to go in his place. I was all prepared for him to go but when I got it in my head that he was staying home it made this news an even harder blow to take in. I am not the strong supportive military wife who stands behind her husband as he goes off to save the world. I am the weak spoiled little princess who wants her husband here to be a family. To see his newborn little girl grow up, and to do all the things that only daddies can do. I know I CAN do it and I will get through but gosh darn it I DON"T WANT TO!!!! I do not want to drop my husband off at the airport and listen to myself and the kids cry all the way home because we already miss him so much. I don't want to wake up in the morning and not smell his French toast cooking on French Toast Friday. I don't want to sit down to watch a movie with no one to snuggle with. I do not want to be left in charge of the bills. I don't want to plan Camryn's birthday by myself. I DON"T WANT TO!!!!!!!!!! So if any of you are sitting out there with nothing to do and want to plan a trip to Hawaii to keep me company I would love that. I know military wives do this all the time. Most for longer then I am going to have to but I think it is just plane WRONG. Especially when there are single guys who would volunteer to go in his place but they will not let them. So I am going to kick and scream and cry and pout all the way up to that trip to the airport on Jan 4th, and nobody is going to say or do anything that is going to make this ok.